Christmass Depression

I don't normally get depressed around Christmas. This year I am. I was to go to a lunch at the center today and had even made arragements for someone to make sure I was up it. They made 1 call to my cell which being in my shirt pocket didn't wake me. I woke about 5 and the regular phone had no problem getting two more calls. It had been by my head and the person who was to wake me does have a key.

I was quite upset at missing the dinner especially since I had done my best to make sure I would be able to go. I am seriously considering rethinking this friendship as in the last month it has cost me over $500. Trying to make sure she and her estranged daughter had a good Xmas. As a result I'm a bit behind on some bills.

I was invited to a dinner today now I guess. However since I can't count on being awake on time ( Medications, I don't sleep normal hours or wake easily ). I phoned the family who were out and as politely as I could explained I can't be sure I would wake in time for the 2pm dinner ( it's also about a mile walk we have no public transportation here and I think the few Taxis in town are off tomrrow..

I spent today fasting and will do the same tomorrow. I know Christmas isn't a normal time to fast but maybe I will get some kind of inspiration on just what to do.

I thought I was getting better but this is another slip back. Seems I now have a mild case of social anxiety on top of the other things. I'm on the verge of giving up hope and just arranging to live without going out at all. That means getting rid of both the cat and the dog. I am allergic to the cat and the dog has a bit pain along with the blindness. After close to 8 years now maybe it is time to quit trying to get better and hope for a miracle and just learn to live with the illness.

Going for a Record

I was just thinking and if this congestion that keeps getting the odd migraine thrown in goes on 2 more days it will be the record for being sick without going to hospital. Be it on my own, by ambulance, or after slipping into a coma.

Thing is I am not terribly sick. It's congestion, sinus and the odd migraine. Migraines that if not for the other would be taken care of by ibuprofen or tylenol 1.

The combination is what's wicked. This part will interest stella. For the first time sound caused me to cry from pain. Light had done it plenty of times. Most migraine sufferers can't take bright light. The Olympic torch went literally past my door yesterday or the day before. The cheers were loud enough I was in tears. I had thought at the time ( being sick has me sleeping very odd hours and a friend is taking out the dog making sure he and the cat are feed etc. So I thought the Santa Clause parade had been re-routed )

I'm invited to an X-mas dinner and some friends have asked me to join their family dinner on X-mas. The last time I was over to take something over because the husband was sick ( I can't remember with what but something prevented him walking or driving think it may have been a sprained ankle. His grandkids and son or son and law were there. I visited about a half hour and as I was leaving heard him say to his wife " that man is welcome anytime" and to the rest, Now that is how a gentleman behaves you can all learn from him ). The next time I saw the wife downtown she told me the story and apparently it made an impression because he had never used a person as an example before."

Funny how doing something that is nothing to you can come back to you multiplied in good ways. I've done one other minor favor for the family in the past year and have got a phone call every day since I first got sick with many expressions of hope you can make Xmas dinner.

Assuming I'm well in the next couple of days it brings me to what I what I wish to say. I had to be reminded ( almost have the whole story explained ) to recall the events. It goes with what to me is part of Karma. If you do something and take credit for it are you doing it for them or you. If you do something nice and five minutes later have forgotten about it and won't think of it again unless pushed to then you have done something selfless. From my point of view only the selfless acts count as good deeds or gook karma.

I don't worry about heaven or hell because I personally believe no matter what happens ( if anything in case if it's nothing who cares )that we will be judged fairly and as a result will get exactly what we deserve. So good or Evil, Saint or Sinner we earned it and when all is said and done. We get what should be coming to us.

Good Gnus Bad Gnus

The bad news first. Yesterday about 6pm my time I got hit with the worst migraine I have had in years, decades actually possibly 3 of them. It hit very sudden and unlike the effecting everything hit only my head ( right side as almost all ) made me extremely light sensitive and felt like a screwdriver eye. Not the kind with vodka either.

I could not sleep and finally took a double dose of anxiety meds on top of my strongest pain killers at 8am. I only woke an hour ago a few minutes after all the stores closed and walked the poor dog who had been in 22 hours. Naturally he didn't complain.

The Good news is the headache is now a dull remembrance and I will see what the weather does in an hour. As I had planned on getting some groceries I did get coffee and mint flavored hot chocolate. The rest of the eve I will be eating bachelor food. Hot dogs without buns. Steaks without vegetable pasta with mustard cause I don't ever buy enough meat or tomato sauce for the amount of pasta I buy Ramen and other guy stuff.

Unless the light sensitivity comes back I should be in ear shoot of my email announcer. So I can return email quickly.

Other wise keep up that weight loss plan by laughing your asses off.

PS in the next politically correct version of the Bible Samson will be killing Philistines with the Jaw bone of a Politician.

How to Use this Blog to Spot Reduce Your Rear

I have had lots of people comment that they have to be careful not to drink not liquids if reading my blog. Apparently keyboards don't like being spewed all over by laughter. However they say laughter is the best medicine. So what I am recommending is going back when bored and depressed and reading my dumbest articles.

In email the most comment is LMAO. So why not put that to good use. Reduce butt size by laughing it off. The Useless information diet. Laugh your ass off with just one read a day. Not to be used while drinking liquid unless you have a nose water proof keyboard.

Now I have to figure out how to work on other body parts. Also remember only a plastic surgeon can get away with picking someone else's nose.

Still Fighting the Congestion

I'm sure I have a graphic of someone sick. Unfortunately I have many more graphics that are just plain sick.

I suspect the cold meds combine with my regular meds to form stupid pills. At least they make me feel more stupid then normal. The combination could possibly be marketed as a means for women to find out what it feels like to think like a man. If they can figure out how to make a strong enough dose without being fatal. After all they figure females are roughly 10,000 years more evolved then males ( this last sentence is not a joke but I forget the source of the estimate, I do know it has something to do with handling pain and healing )

Old skills are all no problem but trying to help a friend with a new cell was a major problem. Maybe the problem is I'm not a teenager. I also normally read manuals cover to cover before doing anything. They aren't packing manuals with things anymore because people don't or can't read them. So I found the manual on the net and downloaded it. Awkward way of doing things but It has some advantages I can see. ( reading 110 pages is not something teens are keen to do ) one of the advantages is it makes the mp3 player part of the phone more idiot proof. You can't erase a song by accident. At least the file is a PDF so I can put it on a CD or DVD for her. Likely though the easiest way to do something is get me to do it. Faster than explaining things written in GEEK that I can speak Greek is still on my list of things to learn.

The Side Effects of Earning a LIving

Right now I have a chest and sinus cold. As often happens when I get even slightly sick by body switches back to thinking it's on shift work. Of my 29 years with the TTC 24 were on either night or afternoon shift. ( shifts don't rotate there ). So now my AM & PM as far as my body is concerned are more Odette's on the other side of the globe than my own.

In other words tonight I am more likely to answer an email right away rather than not till what is normally morning for me. Some friends are helping with minor errands like dog walking and trips to the drug store. I my self am watching old Elvis Presley movies. I don't know if the 1st movie I saw was Bambi or Love Me Tender. Since Elvis wasn't in Bambi I'm watching Love Me Tender. I also promised my mom a copy.

The title song is very romantic. Unless I try to sing it. Even without a cold my singing it would cause Dracula to drive a stake into his own heart rather than listen to the noise. You now one more way to kill a vampire have Sid try to sing it love songs. Mom is more diplomatic than Drac would be. She say's "Sidney I love you but shut up". I think mothers love their sons to prevent them drowning us at birth.

Over a Year of Wasting Electrons

Hard to believe but the day I wrote about the Magic show ( I still and probably never will remember it clearly ) was a year since I started wasting electrons with my my Ramblings. They have been fun, they have helped me meet interesting new people all over the globe. I have learned about all kinds of interesting subjects. Some terribly sad some nice. I have had the chance to say all kinds of stupid things. In the unlikely event I have ever said anything intelligent. Please tell me. I will do my best not to do it again.

To Odette I thank you for getting me into this and am sorry ready my idea of the perfect eulogy made you spit your coffee all over the keyboard. I should have some kind of warning that if something I write and it seems intelligent and sensible get ready for a punch line.

To Tracey thank you for increasing my vocabulary. Pillock and Prat are now firmly embedded therein.

To Kirst thanks for filling me in on so much about a part of the world we think we know but don't have the slightest idea about. Also for being a good friend when needed.

Also thanks to the rest of you for being educational. I still intend to complete that book though it has me running in several directions. I find to do what I wish I need to reference many more sources than I thought. The overall arrangement is more complicated then I would have dreamed as I am trying to do one that will be useful world wide. Mimi greatly expanded what I need to do for an area of the book just by mentioning earthquakes. ( it also brought up several areas I never mentioned but would be needed ). Seems the only disaster I can think of I know of no way to prepare for before or after is a Volcano. However the skills I intend to include would be useful just any wrath of God disaster is more difficult and that is one I can only think normal survival skills can't touch. If you can survive it and get to a safe distance then I can help. Even with the getting to a safe distance.

So thank you all.

I didn't mention R.S the A.A as I think he is right now working extremely deep cover with James Bond

Christmas questions

1. Have you started your Christmas shopping?

I used to be done by Labor day. The first Monday in September. This year I’m not really getting the chance to do any shopping. We have one small department store in town so unless you want everyone to get duplicates of every gift you need to travel to one of the cities around us. They average about 40 miles away and I don’t drive anymore. This year I was able to make one trip but time was limited and I am going to end up giving family cash. With this economy it’s probably a better choice anyway.

2. Tell me about one of your special traditions.

I normally had to work Christmas so I have none. Out of 29 years with the same company I had 4 Christmases off. We got it off if Christmas fell on our normal day off.

3. Are you a Black Friday shopper?

Black Friday is strictly a US thing. I wish we had something like it here. I was in Connecticut once on black Friday by chance and it was great. Here Boxing day the day after Xmas the sales start. Originally when people had one winter coat on dress coat etc. They would get often get a new one for Xmas. Boxing Day the last year’s ones if still good would be boxed up and donated to groups for the poor.

4. When do you put up your tree?

I no longer put up a tree since the dog is now blind. The cat having his own indoor toilet is bad enough.

5. Do you travel at Christmas or stay home?

I usually now spend Christmas home alone.

6. What is your funniest Christmas memory?

The year I gave my brother a game of bathroom battleship. It is meant to teach adult men to hit the bowl. My family is almost all male and even with a few thousand targets to sink by peeing at them they were all used by the end of the day.

7. What is your favorite Christmas movie of all time?

Top 5 are Die Hard, Die Hard 2, Home Alone, Home Alone 2 Lost in New York and Batman Returns.

8. Do you do your own Christmas baking, what’s your favorite treat?

I don’t bake but I love shortbread.

9. Fake or Real Tree?

Don’t dare have either the dog only knows only how to real pee.

10. What day (as a mom) does the actual panic set in to get it all done?

Last few years my Mom has been to ill for anything special for Xmas.

11. Are you still wrapping presents on Christmas Eve?

Normally I’m done shopping in September. Often I’m more surprised then the gift opener because I forgot what I had bought them.

12. What is your favorite family fun time at Christmas?

Believe it or not the four brothers trying to out insult each other. Next to that which of us has the best true funny story. Last year my brother won hands down when 2 soldiers just returned from the middle east had been hunting on his property the week before thanksgiving. Hoping to surprise their families with Wild turkey. Good thing he was there as they had shot Turkey Vultures instead of turkeys.

13. What Christmas craft do you like the best?

I do crafts all year long. I guess what I like best is if one of my brothers gives me a new electronics project the more difficult the better.

14. Christmas music. Yes or No, and if yes what is your favorite song?

I may be warped but I love Weird Al Yankovich’s Christmas parody songs.

15. When do you plan to finish all your shopping?

I plan to start next years shopping the day after Christmas.

Minor Changes

The center I go to was to have a trip today it had to cancel. One of the staff members left rumour has it to go to a better job. In my view a darn good reason for changing jobs. I don't believe there are any more trips till after January. Most are short of funds in January and the holidays can be tiring for many.

I wish her all the best in whatever position she is now working in.

The Magic Show

First I almost did not go.

We all meet at the center to wait for the bus and within a minute of my getting there two people started to argue loudly. After perhaps a minute of this I stood and loud enough to drown them out. "Excuse me I didn't come to watch people fighting. I will not be able to attend under these circumstances. Please excuse me." I opened the door and left. I had to take a med to stop an oncoming panic attack as soon as I got home then the phone rang. Apparently as soon as I left the rest of the group let into the two of them and came close to throwing them out. This has been an on going problem and no one ever stood up to it before. As such fighting is strictly against the rules they came close to being banned. ( Also apparently I don't know if I am popular but I am very respected there ). The phone rang and I was asked to come back. I did as you can tell from the picture. I think it was a very good show but I can recall very little of it as having to take the panic meds on top of cold meds my memory of it is very poor. Normally something like that I would recall perfectly. I didn't get home till midnight and only just woke. The dog must have sensed I was not well and had not tried to wake me. I took him out for a quick pee ( it's very windy and well below zero ) I hope he's ok till morning.

I don't think getting me in the cage was hard. As for getting out. I had skipped lunch.

PS: No Tracey I only have a drink on 11 Nov, if the there is a toast to the queen at a formal dinner or at a wedding and at a wedding one glass will last for all the toasts as I only touch the drink to my lips.

Thunderclaps and Puppy Dogs

Okay at almost 11 and being a rescued dog Rocky may not fit the normal definition of Puppy. However people who meet him for the first time think he is a puppy because he has a great attitude to people. ( his only real bad habit is barks if you stop petting him, typical male ). He never was afraid of thunderclaps, they aren't the worst kind of clap that honor goes to one of King Lear's daughter's who was so evil they named a social disease after her. ( If anyone can twist a classical education I can, those who have read the play I bet a light just went on ). Rocky was never afraid of thunder. Not even when he went blind. Just a little while ago a quirk of timing changed that for the moment. As I was bringing him in from his walk and about to take off his lead. ( He has this need one for night with flashing led's ) thunder shook the whole building. I had to let him run up the stairs then unclip him upstairs. He is now in his room. ( Before he went blind he decided he wanted a room and dragged everything out of the bottom of my bedroom closet. He lets me hang clothes if they aren't long but it is his room ). Currently he is trading barks for thunderclaps. Don't know if Rocky or Zeus will win but bet Rocky is the more stubborn of the two.

As for mentioning an STD scientists have decided the old standbys and even HIV or AIDS are not the most difficult to live with. They have decided the hardest STD to live with is kids. ( all in humor of course )

Achmed the Telepathic Rooster

As many of you know I am on the sick side right now with bad congestion chest and sinus. In fact getting up ( in complete darkness when I have a reading light beside the bed duh ) I tripped over the now empty vaporizer, hand outstreched to break my fall hit the sock, pyjama etc drawer, my body twisted and the dresser fell on me. 3 lessons, turn on the darn light, close open drawers and don't put things like a vaporizer directly in my path out of the room.

Last night I was having some trouble keeping hydrated. Whenever I woke I forced myself ( and I had to force it I did not want to drink swallowing is not pleasant at the moment ). However if I had not I am sure I would be much worse today instead of slightly better. Especially my sinus area. I could almost feel it re-hydrating.

Thats not what todays blog is about. I woke perhaps five times in the night which let me keep forcing myself to drink water. Also I woke from a recurring dream. Each time I woke it was from dreaming a rooster was crowing good morning. My mom has chickens but no rooster. The only rooster I know of is Achmed. When he was sick we all tried to help him as much as we could. I know there is more to animals than we give them credit. ( and less to us than we take credit for ). My guess is he was trying to help me because I tried to help him. May be total hogwash but I'm giving him credit the slight improvement I feel. Amy and Steve are about 5,000 miles away so that is one powerful bird. So Steve your pet isn't Psycho he's Psychic. Thank him for me please

The Trip

Ok as I said the trip went well.

The photos I took after some point didn't take. Possible after I changed the batteries I need to play with the camera some more to get used to it. I did get a new card reader so X off one early Xmas gift to myself. I also got myself a new 7 slot usb hub on sale dirt cheap.

Weather is more typical December now very cold. No snow yet. I woke up sneezing like crazy. Cat must of slept on my chest again.

My friend Rick, this will say it made the paralympic team I think I sent all of you the link to the news article but basically it says he made the team.

We have a shopping trip with the group on the 4th and a dinner Magic show on DEC 10 here is the link www.GregFrewin.Theatre.com we will be in the Platinum seats so it should be good unless the Tigers eat someone. In my youth the danger would have been my brothers or Army buddies trying to eat the Tigers.

I hope those trips have better weather so I can guage anxiety better yesterday I was unable to tell if any manifested as part of the migraine. Aside from messing with my sleep pattern and lasting a long time it was not bad. I've stopped sneezing before I had time to take any anti-histamine so that much is good. It is just darn cold outside so I am going to do my Bear imitation and hibernate.

Some Positive News With Regards My Illness

For once I have had a couple positive things happen as far as my illness goes happen back to back to back. In the hopes that good news happening to one of us may rub off on the other I am going to tell of it here.

As many of you know I have Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia.

The more I learn about how common it is the more amazed I am.

I have just joined a group for folks with various mental illness. The big advantage for me is they travel a few times a month and the complete lack of being able to travel has for the past while been a brick wall as far as the progression of my therapy and improvement possibilities go.

I have learned a bit more about it and find having abuse in childhood makes it more likely. My moving and peer abuse my be a factor plus for a time my Mom was abusive. I have forgiven her and now even know what brought about the change in her personality that caused her to become abusive for a time. Unfortunately it was about 10 years.

However the being able to travel is good news. Now for some more. When things get even slightly bad sleep patterns get poor for me and there is a bit of a snowball effect. I speak like I write. Or to put it bluntly the kind of things you see me write ( down to the wisecracks and bits of totally useless knowledge that led me to give the blog it's name ). While at the shrink's I happened to mention I wished L-Tryptophen the natural chemical found in turkey that makes you so sleepy after a turkey dinner had been pulled from the market 20 years ago after a contaminated batch killed some people in the states. He commented it wasn't pulled they just moved it to being an Rx and wrote me an Rx for it right away. There has never been any bad effects attributed to it as it was the contamination that had done the poisoning. It has even had some good results in conjunction with other meds in treating a number of illness including mine. He apologized for not thinking of it himself. It isn't a popular drug and the pharmacy even had to special order it in for me but I think at least one aspect of a problem with my illness will now be a thing of the past. And without the calories of a big turkey dinner.

Third came as I was discussing whether my level of concern over something outside my control going on in my life was warranted. He made a point I am surprised I haven't heard before considering the length of time I have been being treated for this. He commented that in many cases of illness in the anxiety family it is not a particular event that triggers the anxiety but that the anxiety is there waiting and when something happens it latches onto some event to blame. Knowing this may help me avoid over reacting to things and thus help keep the general level manageable.

I don't know if any of this will help any of you but even if it doesn't maybe some of the good luck will rub off. One of the first events with the group is a shopping trip to a nearby city so I may be able to pick up some gifts for some of you. As Tracey knows with postal speeds you may be lucky to have them for next Xmas. The next is to a High End Professional Magic Show at Niagara Falls. I promise to my camera. I don't know if shots of the show will be allowed but we will be going by the lit up falls at night so those may be nice. It's a dinner show and one of the tricks is making Tigers disappear. Hopefully not via the dinner plates. Now I've done it. I'm going to spend the next week wondering what Tiger would taste like. I have already had alligator and octopus. I like both of those. As my Grandmother used to say she would rather have the experience than die wondering.

Hey Ray get you get a chance to look at any of the manual I sent you?

An update and a promise

As many of you know I haven't been as emotionally secure of late as normal. Just letting you know I'm getting back to normal ( for me in case one of my brothers reads this and dies laughing at the thought of me being considered normal ). ( I guess that would go for my Army Buddies, School Chums, co-workers ok no one who really knows me has ever called me normal. Even my Mom will say while your back to normal then qualify it with "for you". My Dad is different however he has his own form of being Sid. I have seen where I was with a group of friends in a Legion a bad fight broke out. People were flying as someone came at the table he would just happen to pick up his beer for a sip. Body over the table no pause in conversation. Even seen one of my brothers have to get up to throw someone out. Later ask Dad and he goes "What Fight?"

It's just that he always seems completely serene and at peace with the universe. Sort of a Buddha who doesn't give a crap.

Anyway I probably won't be doing much joking ( see how long that can last ). I do want to get to work on that survival book in Ernest. Ray has unwittingly been making me think about it. He asked some honest questions not about the coming book but about things that happened while I was getting the skills I plan to write about. Or about things that happened to those were with me when I was learning them or used some of the past on ones. ( He mainly asked about something my youngest brother was involved with that had 13 to 18 year old cadets rolling on the ground laughing at a platoon of US Marines when the two groups went on a survival course )

I will include a how this skill collection came to be ( it was 3 winters in the making and there were 5 of us playing human Guinea pig on ourselves )

I also would like all of you that can think of them to think of worst case situations for your area. For Odette I'm going to include things that relate to tropical weather related disaster. I would like to know of things for other places that should be prepared for like Mimi in California. There they are encouraged to have emergency gear in their garage for earthquakes. I would like to address things like what if your garage is one of the things the earthquake didn't give a damn about.

Point out things such as while a way of getting to know what general direction is north is it will be the side of trees with the most Moss. However that will be south for Kirst and Fi. Moss grows highest where it gets the least sun so in their case that is South. How to use a watch as a compass. ( One reason even if you prefer digital time you should have a watch with hands. Even if you only use them when lost and wear a dual display watch.

So Questions are welcome. Also I want to do at least a couple of chapters of Thought exercises. People who did not survive and what they could have done so they did. ( please leave out hit by large falling objects unless they camped in a rock slide area that's just natural selection. I do have a friend who last I had heard had been hit by lightning his fourth time and I think the record is surviving 27 hits held for years by a US forest ranger. He lost all his hair after I think his 5th and unfortunately just before due to retire the 28th hit prevented that.

I am ok retirement wise so I won't be doing this for money but posterity. So anyone who wants just ask and as I write the chapters I will email you them to look over. Not all will apply to everyone. Also I would appreciate feedback, are things to deep to simple or do I leave out things obvious to me. Or is the situation in your part of the world different enough to warrant some extra information needed.

When done I will put the book where the whole thing can be downloaded or you can pick chapters. One of my own pet peeves with survival books is size and weight. So I like the idea of print and take the chapters you need.

So I hope to get to work on a book that will have to do until the Professor on Gilligan's Island, Star Trek's Mr Spock and MacGyver get together to write the perfect book on it may just have to do.

This is probably my second last Blog

About a year ago at the suggestion of a friend I began blogging.

For a long time it was very enjoyable.

However lately old wounds long healed have been reopened by friends trying to help but were in reality picking at healed scabs until they were bleeding badly.

I am also at the same time having some problems closer to home. For example I expect I will never see my grand daughter ( She will be two this week and I have not met her ) and now my daughter is expecting again I doubt she will be able to finish college as a result. It is almost impossible to train to become an auto mechanic if you are expecting ).

There are other things closer to home. Both parents are ill and all of my brothers are having economic problems. Which me who is retired and on a disability and really can't help anymore than I have. All of this has led to some worsening of my health and my self esteem has taken a real beating. I am really at the limit of anything more I can do to help.

So I will leave what is on the blog for a couple of weeks in the event anyone for any reason wishes to keep copies of anything I may have wrote then taking it down.

Thank you too all of you for the support you have given during this past year.

What is it people want?

It's just over 3 weeks now since I put up the personals ad. So far not a single response. It's not like it's a small group either they have over 4 million members. I don't think I ever really knew what women looked for in men. ( though I saw many go with guys who everyone said they should have known better ).

I doubt romance is the answer. On yahoo answers I am the number one contributor for valentines day. More than 100 answers ahead of the second place contributor. Go ahead and look it up. I think it's society and culture/holidays/valentines day.

I know the great romantic poets and can recall both Shakespeare or the Bible without trouble.

I have a sense of humor of sorts.

I didn't mention my income as I certainly hope that is not relevant.

My not driving may be a drawback but the fact I don't drink should ease fears of me being a drunk.

Maybe I just need to get back to being happy being in solitude. It does however make me feel like I must be the bottom of the barrel.

My deep thought for the day

1. You can pick your friends

2. You can pick your nose

3. You can't pick your friend's nose

4. Unless you also happen to be his plastic surgeon.

You May Have Guessed

As some of you may have guessed from my absence from the computer and short replies when I have been here I haven't been too well lately. Nothing like what Kirst or Amy go through. Most of my life I have been alone. Looking at it as solitude rather than loneliness has been one of my coping mechanisms. Last week a friend with all the best of intentions expressed concern over my always being alone. I explained that I regarded it as solitude rather than loneliness but the subject remained the same. I'm sure each of us has coping mechanisms. Kirst and Amy for pain Odette for the economics of raising her boys etc. That night however I found things had turned to loneliness and I haven't been able to change it back. The loneliness led to depression and basically for the past several days with the exception of taking the dog out for his business I have not got out of bed. I haven't read, can't sit through a TV show or DVD. I tried watching Macgyver but ended up having to renew the loan from the library. I got through a total of two episodes.

A friend took me out of town today as he knows I need to try to get out as therapy. He was going to a music store. I didn't have an attack but my watch monitors my heart rate and it didn't drop below 140. I didn't take my bp cuff with me so I don't know what that went to and that was on my medication. Much as I hate to do it with the current flu panic going on I am going to have to make a DR's appt asap.

I did try to do something about the loneliness. I took out an Internet dating ad. So far five days no response and the few ladies I sent messages to ( being careful to be polite ) I did not get replies. This is kind of snowballing the loneliness thing. I hope I can back to not considering myself lonely but the last few days I haven't been able to get it out of my head.

Let's face it I'm no catch. I am 55 years old, I'm retired, I'm no Ladies man in looks or charisma or whatever it is that appeals to the ladies. I no longer drive and live in a very small town where everything and everywhere one would like to go for a date is at least 75 miles away. I can't see myself going to get a license again until at least next summer. Even if I do I have no where to park a vehicle and would have to come up with the funds to buy one. Insure it etc. Even taking the test is a major problem as it can't be taken in this town and I would need not only a car but someone to drive to the test site with me. Mind you if after driving everything from motorcycles to locomotives if I can't pass a simple driving test I don't deserve to have a license.

So ladies any advice? Or should I just tough it out till my way of looking at things manages to change back ( if it can ). btw I haven't been on any kind of a date for close to 4 years now.

Been a bit

Sorry I haven't posted anything in several days. My allergies are driving me up a wall and on top of that I was rubbing my eyes so much I broke the arm off my glasses. Fortunately they were covered by warranty. It wasn't just me both drug stores in town ran out of eye drops. For some reason they weren't working very well either.

So I've been watching the series Heroes and reruns of MacGyver. My brother and I used to complain that most of his gadgets wouldn't work because something was missing and we would point out what was missing. Then TV Guide did a story on the series and mentioned that things were deliberately left out so kids wouldn't be able to do the stunts he did. Of course those who knew George and I generally all stated that we were "scary smart" after the article ran. As Einstein said " A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, so is a lot"

Hope all of you are doing well.

Allergic to Arboral Sex

Pollen is striking me down again. Oddly flowers even ragweed don't bother me. Trees and grass however do. Some pollinate in spring some fall. So right now the trees have my eyes watering bad enough even a double dose of anti-histamines let me watch TV ( you don't have to be terribly alert for that ) but not read due to the combination of dopiness and teary eyed. Also I am now going to confess that movies, books and poetry have all at times brought me to tears.

On My Last Post and Some Good News

First the answer to where the saying "There is more than one way to skin a cat" comes from. In the old British Navy flogging was a common punishment. Part of the penalty was it was to be done in front of the entire ships company. In the event of bad weather it could not be done above deck. In those cases it was done in the only under deck area large area the men's mess where the crew slept and ate.

The term for swinging the whip which was a cat o nine tails is skinning. The overhead motion used above deck could not be used because the ceilings were low. Thus the term more then one way to skin a cat.

As for the good news. I got out of town for a few hours yesterday with a friend. No panic attacks some minor anxiety and really tired when I got home. Napped 4 hours watched 3 of TV then went to bed. ( Sleeping 12 so I guess even with no panic something is still effected ). The Friend thinks it would be no problem to do something similar every couple of weeks. This is a part of my recovery that I have not been able to implement much in the past and the first with zero feelings of panic or anxiety. Even when my Dad Visited and we went out I had an attack when we got separated for a while. Not so yesterday.

Cold Enough to Freeze the Balls Off a Brass Monkey

It's cold out today. Winter jacket cold. The expression Cold Enough to Freeze the Balls off a Brass Monkey has been heard a few times today. My usual comeback is no that happens at minus 40. Which gets me some weird looks. The reason is there really such a thing as brass monkey that can have it's balls froze off. Only for most it is lost in the sands of time.

In the days of wooden sailing ships and pirates cannon fired iron balls propelled by gunpowder. Beside the cannons the balls were stacked for easy access. What they were stacked in was much like the triangle snooker balls are racked up in today. That triangle was made of brass and the balls were stacked in it. As anyone who has ever used a thermostat knows different metals expand and contract at different rates with temperature change. Brass faster than Iron cannonballs. At minus 40 the monkey would shrink to the point where the balls would be pushed out and the crew would have to chase them all over a rolling deck to try fruitlessly to stack them back again.

So there you have it an expression you hear every cold day in Canada but almost no one knows the meaning of. Like another common expression there is more than one way to skin a cat. It was used in an English class I was in once and someone comment ted it was cruel to animals. I of course piped up it had nothing to with pussy cats and had to explain where the expression came from. Anyone interested in knowing that one?

A Book to Come

I have been planning on adding to the info on camping and being ready for emergencies.

The problem is the sheer amount of information I have in my head never mind in reference material. So after trying to figure out what to write next for the past several days I have decided not to blog it through. I am going to write a book on the subject. The first chapter like most survival manuals will be survival psychology. Or how to change you attitude to stay not only alive but healthy. My brother George went on a 2 Week survival course as a cadet. The first day you were given one day's standard Army issue ration pack. You were to stretch it out and use what you were knew or were taught to last the two weeks. At the end of the two weeks he returned home Rations still sealed and ten pounds heavier. ( no one else gained weight, the Cadet we had sent the year before had gained 5. We got a letter addressed to the unit training officer ( me ) saying not to send anymore as our unit training was more advanced than what they were teaching. ( Some of the instructors had vomited at what George was eating with relish ).

So I am going to name the first title something they used to yell at us when things got rough ( The Sgt's doing the training, when I was on Lieutenant Qualifying ) It's a case of mind over matter. We don't mind you don't matter.

In the meantime here is a fair emergency link for short term preparedness www.GetPrepared.ca it is a govt of Canada site so unless your fluent in French click on English when you get there.

As the Book get done I will try to remember to mention where I am. You can wait till I am finished and I will email you one for the Asking or if you like I can send you the chapters as they are finished ( you can still get the whole book when done ). I firmly believe this kind of information should be free and as distributed as possible. Just let me know. I will probably still be writing in the same style I always do. Being able to smile at the darkest hour just may help keep you going too.

I Always Wanted to be Batman IF I Grew Up pt 1

As promised this is the first of a series of articles on emergency preparedness.

Right at the start I should point out that one of the most important things you will need to do is pick and choose from the skills options and “kits” I suggest. Survival in Canada’s far north (which believe it or not qualifies as a dessert due to getting less than 10 inches of rainfall a year) is far different from a hot dessert though knowing how to survive in one does give skills in the other.

I have a variety of emergency kits. Each aimed at a minimum of 72 hours (which here is the estimate it will take to get emergency teams up to full capacity) in reality I aim mine for at least a week with as much attention to renewing things as possible. For example while I have enough drinking water to last two days normally I have what I need to treat water to make it drinkable to last well over a month.

The kits are nice. You customize them for the number in your family where you likely are and what is likely to happen. I won’t start with them however. What I will start with is skills. Having skills to for example to make water drinkable is more useful then having a couple days of drinkable water. Also having the greatest First Aid kit in the world is of no use if you don’t have the training to use it. Also along with that is having the stomach to use it. I have been in situations where paramedics were vomiting and I had to start the First Aid while they got themselves under control. These were not everyday events but in each case where someone had attempted suicide by throwing themselves in front of a train. Don’t think I didn’t get sick myself. I did but later. Usually the following day.

So where does one start.

Deciding what skills and where and how to get them is a good place. Any good First Aid course is a must. Updating it as often as you have a chance is a good thing and if you can get one which includes what is called casualty simulation is a real bonus. Cas sim is where they make the wounds look real with special effects that rival Hollywood. So far I have only known the military and the fire department to have this kind of training as a common thing. As fire departments spend a lot of time on standby don’t be afraid to ask if it would be possible to have them teach you. Usually they are more than willing and also have a mindset that is ready for any kind of emergency. Also remember many skills transfer to areas you would not expect any skills to transfer too. For example I never expected being able to call in air strikes to have any use outside combat. Till my first forest fire. Only then instead of calling in a strike on an enemy you got to where the fire was worst and had the water bombers bomb you. It is like standing in a shower on full for maybe 30 or 45 seconds then being surrounded by steam. After that your troops put out any small fires which spring up. You are using picks shovels and backpack fire extinguishing water pumps. Not something everyone will have available.

Again where to start. This is the first suggestion. Books. First Aid manuals, what ever the local boy scout manual is for it will be full of things needed for wherever you are. Local books on survival. If you can get copies of your local Armed Forces manuals on survival these are rarely classified. Also similar skills. Knot tying for example. Books on local edible and poisonous plants.

Until this information is second nature to you when you are not looking it over they should be in the appropriate emergency pack. Mine are all in backpacks ( the kits ) the books are together in a section on my bookcases and there is room for them at the top of the packs. Acts of nature sometimes give warning sometimes do not.

However the first and most important tool for dealing with emergencies is appropriate skill sets. Learning these is step two, deciding what they are and how to go about learning is your first step.

Some Serious Articles to Come

I hopes to post the first of some serious article today. My reason for not doing so is not a terrible good one. I rarely get the opposite of the illness which has one running to the toilet several times a day and hoping it is only gas. In fact I can't recall more than 5 times I have ever had that in my life. Despite the fact I am still on a very high fruit diet at the moment I am mentally and physically plugged up. I'm assuming the physically has got high enough to explain the mentally. My eyes are even brown. Mind you they were brown before this. It is a few days now and I have done everything short of taking an actual laxative. This because I have not been completely plugged and have been able to make some use of the toilet. I feel as if some critter resembling the one in Alien is making it's way through me. Hopefully it will pop out in the toilet not like in the movie.

However back to the coming serious posts. With the recent flooding in Odettes area we were talking and I was mentioning how both my Govt. ( Canada ) and my former Church ( Mormon, which I have nothing bad to say about I just don't think I was very good at living up to church standards and choose to leave as a result) encourage an emergency 72 hour emergency pack. I mentioned to Odette I did have one but over time and as a result of training have in fact several of them to be grabbed depending on the type of emergency happening. One even doesn't involve evacuation but is a very full first aid kit for rendering aid if I am fine but those around me are not.

I intend to post about such things. What to pack and not to pack. Refer you to sites from official sources with advice on how to fill these packs. ( rarely bigger than a backpack ) Fi prompted me to add consideration for the pets. And most importantly how to make sure you know how to use them.

There is some on this in my older posts but I intend to elaborate a fair bit. Also point out some basic skills it is not a bad idea to have and how to get them. So choke-um-hole aside soon as I get feeling better I will get started.

Idiot articles come of the top of my head. Serious ones I do up and check before posting so they won't come in a flood as I feel more like moving ( no pun intended ). I also like to leave a post up 24 hours at least, so if I end up putting up a couple at once it will mention it in the text.

Thanks

An Award

Tracey saw fit to give me this award. Because of sheer craziness. I suspect she means this attitude.



I like to take the adage when life gives you lemons make lemonade a step further. When life gives you lemons turn them into offensive weapons. ( Which sometimes means waiting till they have gone bad enough the people you throw them at can't possibly use them to make lemonade without risking their health )

No Particular Thing to Say

Today as the Christmas song says " The Weather Outside is Frightful" unfortunately not having a significant other the next line " But inside it's so delightful " doesn't hold true.

Also the weather sometimes effects me in the form of a migraine which I have slightly plus slept in such a way I've kinked my neck that I think this will be a do nothing day. Often against my best intentions I get lots done on such days. I have a habit of doing many things at once. What folks now call multi-tasking after the way a computer does it and the Army calls concurrent activity after the way a commander has to have his command carrying out a variety of things at once. The latter would normally refer to group multi tasking such as if Amy and Steve wanted to take the family to eat out. Steve could be feeding the chickens while Amy is getting the children ready and perhaps the kids could even be doing something.

Being uncomfortable may mean being unable to sit through a TV show so I may get up do dishes, organize something make some meals to freeze. Just not sit and get stiff. Only one kind of stiff is fun and now a pill can cause that. I gave my brother a box of them as his birthday present this year. He liked them better than his non gag gift.

I think kinking my neck is a bigger problem then the weather related headache. I hope I can relax it so the other will go as well. It isn't pouring rain or anything just drizzle.

Now for a joke. A dog is taking his young puppy out to teach it how to be a proper dog. They come across a female in heat and the father has sex with her. Then they find a bag of garbage and he tears it apart and finds some leftovers they eat. Finally they come to fire hydrant and after sniffing it he pees on it. When they get home the daddy dog asks any questions. The puppy says Dad I can see why you had sex and ate the garbage but why did you pee on the fire hydrant. The Daddy dog says "Son, that's a dog's motto. If you can't eat it or have sex with it piss on it."

The Area that Works

The Graphic is from my cousin. Strikes me as a case of you get what you deserve.

However back to the Top Secret Areas. Area 52 the one Area which we know works. It was the brain child of President JFK. His reasoning was there was no way we could fight off an Armada made up of vessels so powerful they could travel from star to star. His idea convince them that there really is NO INTELLIGENT LIFE ON THIS PLANET. Area 52 is somewhere in Hollywood, all of us have felt it's influence. From the Beverly Hillbillies to Gillgan's Island. F Troop, I Love Lucy, The Munsters, Saturday morning cartoons. Hogan's Heroes, Mr Terrific, ( even for Hollywood and Area 52 that one was bad). Get Smart, I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, My Mother the Car, My Favourite Martian.

All of these and more have staved off alien invasion by convincing aliens there is no intelligent life on this planet. On top of that we are protected by Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Lamont Cranston, Peter Parker, and of course Underdog.

Unfortunately having all these shows has had a side effect. As a result of them this planet no longer does have intelligent life. Just in case it ever did.

Weather

The weather affects us all. Right now Odette has weather so bad it has made the paper here 12.000 miles away. So far that you can’t get any further away and still be on the same planet. (I know sometimes I think like I’m really a different planet but that’s only a theory no one has proved that yet). They are getting the most rain they have had in 42 years.

Here it is going about its annual shift from summer to fall. A shift which is rarely smooth and this year is no exception. Plants which pollinates in the fall cause allergy sufferers to have headaches red eyes and runny noses. Since the flu scare is on this means some folks panic. (Others do remember this happens most years). You don’t know how to dress, cold in the morning hot by noon or vice-versa. About the only constant is underwear still goes on the inside. Weather also seems to effect mood. At the moment mine is lethargic. I’m thankful I know plenty of folks who are in some discomfort or greater than regular discomfort due to the changes in weather.

However rather than dwell on our petty weather problems lets pray for those like Odette who are right now facing Wrath of God scale weather.

Goals.

I believe in myself.

Mind you I also believe the Lock Ness Monster is an ancient giant sturgeon. That ufo's may exist and that if intelligent life ever does try to contact us that proves they aren't as intelligent as they thought they were. I also believe it is ok to wear a cowboy hat, ( with built in led's for night ) a Hawaiian shirt camo shorts and running shoes, at the same time.

But aside from not caring what I'm wearing as long as it is functional I am a person who can generally count on himself. Lately I have been taking some steps to get healthier in the areas outside my illness with the idea of one. I will be more likely to be unharmed by an incident and two. The healthier you are the better you feel. So far I have changed my diet and a couple of other habits. Replace bad ones with good ones. Exercise is about to come up next. In the past when I have been very fit it has been almost pure exercise. Now it will be Exercise plus.

So for the next while one of my goals is weight reduction till body fat hits 25% then it will be build more muscle mass while keeping the body fat to 25%.

My speed goal is modest and I hope realistic 1/2 to 1 pound a week on average. I don't expect a straight line result either.

When I joked about going on a Gilligan's island I added a large amount of fruit to my diet. Now I am consuming mostly fruit in the form or smoothies with no limit. Plus at least one other sensible meal and a couple treats a week. I have noticed that as time goes on the craving for so called junk food has reduced. Now it is time to get me to reduce.

Ultimate goal break Methuselah's record for long life and also make it a happy one.

I will progress reports but not often enough to be boring once a month should be plenty.

The Men in Plaid

First the Men in Plaid then back to Super Ultra Top Secret Cross Your Heart and Hope to Fart American Bases.

The Men in Plaid are Scotland's answer to the Men in Black. They have been around a lot longer and wipe out the memories of anyone who really does see the Lock Ness Monster. However they don't use alien technology in the form of a neualizer to do it they use a couple bottles of Scotch. The older the better. There are rumors some folks called them the Men in skirts instead of the Men in Plaid. None of those were ever found.

Area Ten

Area ten seems to be numbered out or order because it did not start as an area but as a committee. When as Tracey loves to point out the Canadians set fire to the Presidential Mansion the committee was formed to decide what colour the mansion should be. Till a decision was reached it would be whitewashed or painted white. Since the committee was taking even longer then most govt departments to reach an agreement it got moved and became Area Ten. They expect to come a decision any day now. That is from a memo leaked to President Lincoln.

Area Eleven

There are 2 area 11's one was set up by the north the other by the south both during the civil war. For those who didn't know this war was not over manners but unless leaving the dinner table during a meal counts. It was about weather or not a state would be allowed to leave the union. The northern area 11 was to set up a Redneck American dictionary. The southern area 11 to set up an American Redneck dictionary.

So far Jeff Foxworthy is doing better than both groups put together.

Areas 12 to 20 were all set up to develop weapons for the civil war. They remain so secret that no one really knows much about them. There is widespread speculation that the ones set up by the south evolved into moonshine operations and are still operating in secret to this day

A Word about SETI

I was searching for Weird Al stuff on YouTube the other day and typed in parody. I got a very funny video about SETI thinking they had found intelligent life in space but that they had got something else instead. Don't want to ruin it for anyone who cares to watch it. It was Funny. However it brought something to mind.

We have broadcast 98 Episodes of Gillgan's Island plus one movie. 5 seasons of Get Smart, 9 seasons of the Beverly Hillbillies, who knows how many seasons of Green Acres, and I Love Lucy. Still there are folks who wonder why intelligent life hasn't contacted us?

Let's face it if we do get visited by aliens they will probably be trying to mount a rescue mission for " Seven Stranded Castaways Here on Gilligan's Isle "

So if such a group were to land in your nation's capital how would your Govt Greet them. I can imagine Ottawa " Here you but put these blankets around you before you freeze to death"

Or the States reach for the sky we've got another load for Area 51.

Scotland would offer a shot, Ireland a Guniness, England would insist on a proper introduction. The Aussies wouldn't let them in unless they had a criminal record.

What about the rest of the world.

As Eric Idle says in the Galaxy song " Let's hope there's intelligent life out in space cause there's bugger all of it down here"

More on non 51 Areas

Area Eight ( Ate )

Area Eight was set up out of order. It was established by John Quincy Addams the President who is most known for his middle name. He must have had a sense of humor because Area Eight is for developing various international dishes for serving state visitors. He picked the name because Ate and Eight sound alike. ( As you know English spoken as it is in the US or in the rest of the world makes little sense. For example Huked un Foniks werked fer mi. )

The Americans as you all know ( Especially Americans ) are not known for their contributions to world cuisine. MacDonald's may well be a high point they are better at mass producing dishes from everywhere else in the world. There are some exceptions I have to admit I enjoyed Alligator meat ( tasted like a cross between chicken and clams ) my brother says rattlesnake is good and Buffalo is supposed to be excellent but every time I have been where it was on the menu it was sold out.

So area eight has taught chefs how to prepare dishes from all over the world. Admittedly there have been some failures. The have also been the victims of some real con artists like the trio of Scots men who passed themselves off as professional Haggis hunters and kept them supplied with meals for Robbie Burns day for generations. Till one Scots guest happened to remark on his families Haggis recipe. George Bush Sr was not the first president to lose his lunch at a state dinner.

Other notable unsuccessful efforts included Ostrich Balut and Haggis flavored ice cream as well as thinking Canadians only ate French Fries, Deep Fried Whale blubber and seal flippers. Today Area Eight which has managed to keep it's location secret has not had a major success since they gave McDonalds the Happy Meal.

Area Nine




Area Nine was set up during the war of 1812. The country thought this would be a good time to invade Canada as the UK was busy cutting Napoleon down to size in Europe and couldn't send troops. The result was it was pretty much Canada vs the States. What the states didn't count on was the natives. Here they were loyal to the crown. There they had already got fed up with treaty violations. At the end of the War Detroit and Maine were in Canadian or British hands. Fort Detroit fell because though the very small group of Canadian Militia and Natives were vastly outnumbered the natives came up with a very effective plan. They built a few very bright fires and danced constantly in front of then in a circle to look like an endless line of Indians. The changed weapons and headgear so it looked like there were even more of them. The Canadian Militia commander went to Detroit under flag of truce and said he was having trouble keeping the natives under control. That they wanted to take the town rape and the women and eat all the men and children. The Detroit commander feel for this BS and surrendered on condition the Brits keep the Indians out of the town.

When the war ended we agreed to give back Maine on condition they also take Detroit back.

Area nine was set up to figure out how Canadians think.

So far Weird Al with his song Canadian Idiot and Micheal Moore in the Movie Canadian Bacon have come closer to doing this any thing ever to come out of Area Nine.

( more to come )

Why Worry about Area 51

AREAS 1 TO 50

This is in response to a friend who is concerned about just what is located at area 51. I am of the opinion that he should not worry. Everyone knows where Area 51 is so it can’t be all that secret. It is for hide in plain sight secrets. Areas 1 to 50 are of more concern as no one knows about them. The following is my take on them.

AREA ONE

Of necessity area one was not the first but the second top secret facility set up by Washington. It is located somewhere near the Maine, New Hampshire, and Canada border because of the wide variety of lumber in the area. It is dedicated to improvement in Presidential Dental care. Things like not getting slivers while eating. It continues to operate today. Many sciences not normally mixed have been experimented with there. One recent experiment was a complete disaster. Gene splicing was used to give a human volunteer Beaver tooth DNA. The test subject escaped and was responsible for the consumption of thousands of acres of prime forest. Army attack helicopters were needed to sanction the subject. He was posthumously awarded the top secret George W Bush medal for exceptional intelligence.

AREA NUMBER TWO

Area number two was of necessity the first top secret area ordered built by Washington. It is no longer in everyday use due to the advent of indoor plumbing. It continues to exist in secret on the White house grounds. Easily identified by the half moon carved in the door and the fact it is a two story structure the top floor for the politicians and the lower for the voters.

AREA NUMBER THREE

Somewhere in the vicinity of Pittsburgh. This area was set up by Washington to instruct government officials not to take everything literally. The example given in it’s charter was that if there is a thunderstorm raging and someone tells you to “Go fly a kite “they were using an idiom.

AREA NUMBER FOUR



Washington himself is said to have thrown a silver dollar across the Potomac River. That was a lot of money in those days. In keeping with the tradition of needlessly wasting money area number four is still active and is in fact the most active of all the governments’ secret projects. Area number four though secret has grown to be larger than the area of the United States itself with branches all over the world. New ways to waste taxpayer dollars are developed at a speed even light has yet to match.

AREA FIVE

By the time area five was set up George had passed on. However the term Washington will be continued to be used here to describe the federal government.

Area five was the first facility for the study of Aliens. Canadians, Frenchmen, Englishmen, Chinese, Even the Scots and Irish. The idea was to teach students to think like these aliens in order to communicate with them. In the early days many accidentally perished from alcohol poisoning in attempting to think like the Scots or Irish. Area five was abandoned when it was decided to leave foreign languages to those from foreign lands and replace attempting to speak their languages by SHOUTING VERY LOUD IN AMERICAN ENGLISH. Some genius had the idea this would make English easier to understand.

AREA SIX

There is no area six for fears the religious right would connect it with the number 666 and raise an unholy uproar if they ever found out about it.

AREA SEVEN

Area number seven may well be the most classified of all secret establishments. It is responsible for Presidential Speech writing. The area consists of an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters. This can explain some of the more unexplainable speeches made by Washington heads of state. It’s first and greatest piece of work was the Gettysburg Address. It was established to cover the words that apparently Lincoln said after waking from a five day drunk “I freed the WHAT!”


Tomorrow I will start with Area Eight

Panic & Anxiety Disorders

I have agoraphobia with Panic disorder. As agoraphobia literally means fear of the marketplace it is a bit of a misnomer.

As opposed to anxiety and people thinking the two are almost the same thing they are about the same as some one poking you in the chest in and someone firing a shotgun into your chest from a foot away.

Panic means fatal fear. It came about as a word in the time of the Ancient Greeks. Most of the Greek gods were handsome and perfectly built. There were two notable exceptions The God of Fire who had been born with a crippled leg and Zeus threw him from Olympus. He built his forge in Volcanoes and made most of the gadgets which gave his brothers and sisters their powers. He even made Zeus his thunderbolts.

The other was Pan god of the Forest. Those who worshiped him were called Pagans and he was half man half goat a say tar. However he was said to be exceedingly ugly. So much so that to suddenly see if one would die of fright. This explanation was given for anyone who died in the woods with a look of terror on their faces. They were said to have died of Panic due to seeing the god Pan.

When I was 4 as my family was leaving church the minister asked my Grandparents would do him do him a favor and take some groceries to a lady who could not go out herself. Being 4 I asked my parents if I could go and all said it might be a good idea. The lady was an older lady older than my grandparents and very nice. I remember her home was immaculate and hand made dollies covered everything. I was told she couldn't go out herself. After we left I asked my Grandparents why. They told me she had not been able to go out since her husband had been killed in the war. Whenever she tried she had to be rushed to hospital for a bad heart. I said "Wow the war was over 10 years ago. " ( Not bright my Grandfather had served and in 59 there were events taking place to celebrate ten years since the wars end." My Grandmother took my hand knelt down and said " No Sidney, The First World War ". It was first experience with what now know is agoraphobia. Since she had the heart problem it today would have had the words Panic Disorder added to it. I have not idea by why monetary means she was supported 4 year old boys don't think of such things.

Panic attacks can happen because of some trigger being activated. ( My Mother was robbed at shotgun point and afterwards could not go were there were groups of older teens to some stage even now roughly 20 years later ) PTSD can manifest itself as panic disorder. Sometimes nothing seems to trigger it it just goes off. People tend to avoid where the attacks took places until at it's worst you are housebound. At present my world consists of a few blocks. To make matters worse I had to move here to move here to live with my Mother when I could no longer afford to live in the "retirement" home I was in as I had only my disability. My work pension had not kicked in till the 29th year employed was done. I had used up my sick time and they were good enough to keep me on the rolls a couple more weeks so I would qualify. The 30 years of paying into insurance didn't help as the insurance company refused to cover so called mental lionesses.

Anxiety disorders can rage from social anxiety disorder being unable to be in a crowd to stage fright which is the most common to an almost limitless variety of phobias.

Anxiety disorders are similar in ways to Panic disorders but are vastly different in degree. One will raise your heart rate the other if not got to in time explode your heart or more likely cause a stroke. The extremely high blood pressure combined with the high pulse can break free plaque from an artery wall and send it to the brain or elsewhere. As an example in terms of numbers I have shown up in hospital and had a BP of 220 over 180 and a pulse over 290. that after being given meds in the ambulance. That I am still alive is very unusual.

For most getting upset can be unpleasant for people like me it may well be fatal.

My Illness

I'm going to try to write something to explain the nature of the illness I have. It is an invisible disability and you may well know someone who died from it. The cause of death would not have been the illness but stroke or heart attack as they are what the illness causes. Heart attacks or more likely strokes in otherwise healthy people with none of the warning signs. It is not an easy topic for me but I will give it a shot and try to post something here as soon as I can.

Dental Worries

I am very recently returned from the dentist. As with all in life there is good and bad news. Ever since I was treated with massive amounts of tetracycline when I had spinal meningitis at age 16 in order to save my life I have had bad teeth. First the almost immediately became a kind of grey colour so I have never had the bight smile some are blessed with. Second it did affect dating as a teen and even as an adult. I don't have the confidence around members of the opposite sex even as much as I should. I am sensitive about it to the point I have now not dated for years. ( my last marriage being a bad one didn't help I'm sure ). Each year I would need a number of visits to the dentist and though I had good coverage I knew my teeth would not last my life. Part of the bad news is that time has come. The good news is dentistry has come far enough that I may be able to get the smile I never had when young as a result of implants. The bad news that goes with that is the cost is very high. Though I will probably go through with it and end up with the smile it will at the very least put other hopes and dreams some years into the future. I'm looking at a cost of up to $10,000. Over time I am sure I can handle that but other dreams like travel possible education or even accelerated recovery from my illness will be if not completely on hold they will definitely be on hold for some period to come.

When I first got sick I basically lost all I had managed to earn in a lifetime of work and study. I have been slowly making my way back onto my feet with time but now may find I slip back a bit or at best by cutting back on many things be able to stay where I am for now. In time I am sure I can be moving forward again but it won't be for a while now. All I can do is keep trying my best but I know I am going to find myself forced to cut luxuries and doing works for others in general that does make me feel I am managing to contribute something back to the world instead of just take from it. For me it is important that I do or give something back the concept of a "free ride" even though most people feel I have paid my dues I feel as we keep getting from the world it is important I keep paying my dues back in thanks for that which I do receive. Funny but right now the same moral code which has dragged me through some pretty tough times is now making me feel I am not living up to the code and am still dragging on however. All will be well. Nothing remains the same. There are good days, weeks, months, even years as well as bad ones. I just hope this is just a bad day and I manage to at least adjust my attitude to a more positive one. As far as things in the world go I really do have it pretty easy and should be much more appreciative of that which I do have.

Thank you Kirst

Yesterday I was in kind of a bad spot. Nothing had gone wrong in fact a number of trials of testing the current limits of my illness had gone very well. Despite that my mood was below sea level. I do suspect the various poisons having the dental abcess flooding me with septic chemicals for days may have played a part. Kirst however was there when I needed someone to talk to. Despite her having to travel 16 hours into her past to do so. I still can't get over the time travel aspects of the internet. Or the fact it really is still winter entering spring there while we are ending an almost non existent summer entering fall. I still have to start my spring cleaning yet so that may have something to do with it. Kirst just did the net version of holding my hand and reminding me of one of my Favorite scriptures. To everything there is a season. Nothing remains the same. She was there when I needed her and I do appreciate it. At times Odette has done the same for me minus the septic tooth waste in my system. Tracey has of course made me laugh and taught me the meaning of the word " Pillock ". I even intend to send AA a private email I want his opinion of a product I am thinking of creating and introducing and need the advice of an amateur paranoid as opposed to a professionally trained one. It will be a day or two Ray as I do want to make sure this Tooth juice isn't influencing my thinking.

To all of you thanks for being there when I need you. Also Amy I still think your Mom cheated in avoiding the icebergs.

Does text only work

I am still having trouble uploading graphics so this is just to see if text only is ok

I May Be Bloging

Okay it looks like I have everything working and without needing a trip to the shop.

So why would I post a photo a sundae which goes by the name of Death by Chocolate. Far less glamorous then being boiled in oil but who die like a McDonald's french fry anyway.

You may recall some time ago I brainwashed myself with back to back episodes of Gilligan's Island and started my version of the Gilligan's Island diet. It consisted of living almost entirely from a diet of fruit. I had been trying to lose weight before that but went down from 190 pounds to 180 no problem but jammed there. I jammed again at roughly 174 last week. By adding psyllium to my diet two table spoons well stirred plus a second glass of water to make sure it was washed down morning and bedtime ( It tastes as if I was using the cats litter box for ingredients so you want to make sure it is well washed down ) I have been holding at no more than 169 lately and hope to keep going down at roughly a pound to a a pound and a half a week from now on till hit a target will I will wish to start slowly building muscle. To bug Ray that's a half to 3/4's of a kilo.

Hopefully this will post with no problem and I will back to being my abnormal self in no time.

The abscess is going down and I will be seeing a new dentist on Thursday. My regular dentist was on vacation then had a death in the family so he is way backed up and asked me to visit one of the others in town as he didn't want me on the antibiotics too long. If you had any idea of my dental history you would understand. At 16 massive doses of tetracycline saved my life but left me with very fragile teeth.

I have Kirst showing as being online but she's so far in my future the would could have ended by now or she could be getting the kids out the door to school. If we can again use messenger. The last of my computer problems will be solved.

Though I am thinking it is a pain to do all this reading so maybe I should figure out how to install an USB port in my head so I could download directly. Have to put that on my list of things to do next to inventing a working transporter. Maybe I should watch all the episodes of star trek, Star Trek the Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager, Babylon 5 and Andromeda back to back. I think it would be more likely however that I would come to the conclusion that there is no intelligent life on this planet and decide to go home.

Until we meet again Live Long and Prosper, or if you would rather Die Young and Broke I'm not going to be a stickler on the subject.

The Weather and Our Moods

Ever notice how the weather effects our moods even our thinking and sense of humor.

So let's see what would happen if I tried to start a novel with this rain coming down.

It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly a shot rang out! I downed the shot in a single swallow and ordered a beer chaser. I had come in here with a mind to be a skirt chaser, but, there weren't any fillies in here. I figured I'd drink my fill and walk out the door. Then in she walked. She had a face and figure you couldn't help notice. A face like the Elephant Man after a long unsuccessful career in the ring. A figure like a Circus Fat Lady after a Three month eating binge. It looked like the only difference between her and a charging Rhino would be about four pounds. The Rhino would be lighter.

Gee I guess the weather makes no difference at all in the way my mind works.

( EVIL Maniacal Laughter ) HAHAHAHA

Old TV again

I got a DVD I had ordered in the mail today. It is an old TV series that didn't really become popular called "Future Cop". I watched it when it came out as the year before I had been involved in a Film Called Shoot and got to know it's stars become friends with one. Hard to imagine an Oscar winner as being as much of any ordinary man as he was but Ernest Borgnine has to be one of the nicest most natural people I have ever met. He treated everyone like he was one of them and vice versa.

About the TV Series he plays a veteran policeman who is partnered with an Android. Way before it's time but just imagine Data from Next Generation as a cop. Borgnine's character is the only non scientist who knows his partner isn't human. I could imagine it doing much better today as we are more open to the concept of artificial intelligence mind it will never be a match for natural stupidity.

Don't feel like writing so just graphics

Don't feel up to writing so some graphics

I Give in you Can Put These on my Wanted Poster