As some of you may have guessed from my absence from the computer and short replies when I have been here I haven't been too well lately. Nothing like what Kirst or Amy go through. Most of my life I have been alone. Looking at it as solitude rather than loneliness has been one of my coping mechanisms. Last week a friend with all the best of intentions expressed concern over my always being alone. I explained that I regarded it as solitude rather than loneliness but the subject remained the same. I'm sure each of us has coping mechanisms. Kirst and Amy for pain Odette for the economics of raising her boys etc. That night however I found things had turned to loneliness and I haven't been able to change it back. The loneliness led to depression and basically for the past several days with the exception of taking the dog out for his business I have not got out of bed. I haven't read, can't sit through a TV show or DVD. I tried watching Macgyver but ended up having to renew the loan from the library. I got through a total of two episodes.
A friend took me out of town today as he knows I need to try to get out as therapy. He was going to a music store. I didn't have an attack but my watch monitors my heart rate and it didn't drop below 140. I didn't take my bp cuff with me so I don't know what that went to and that was on my medication. Much as I hate to do it with the current flu panic going on I am going to have to make a DR's appt asap.
I did try to do something about the loneliness. I took out an Internet dating ad. So far five days no response and the few ladies I sent messages to ( being careful to be polite ) I did not get replies. This is kind of snowballing the loneliness thing. I hope I can back to not considering myself lonely but the last few days I haven't been able to get it out of my head.
Let's face it I'm no catch. I am 55 years old, I'm retired, I'm no Ladies man in looks or charisma or whatever it is that appeals to the ladies. I no longer drive and live in a very small town where everything and everywhere one would like to go for a date is at least 75 miles away. I can't see myself going to get a license again until at least next summer. Even if I do I have no where to park a vehicle and would have to come up with the funds to buy one. Insure it etc. Even taking the test is a major problem as it can't be taken in this town and I would need not only a car but someone to drive to the test site with me. Mind you if after driving everything from motorcycles to locomotives if I can't pass a simple driving test I don't deserve to have a license.
So ladies any advice? Or should I just tough it out till my way of looking at things manages to change back ( if it can ). btw I haven't been on any kind of a date for close to 4 years now.
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First off, FFS you are not THAT old...LOL We are all knocking on a bit now! No body I know goes for the James Bond look, it really is personality you know! Just be your self and keep trying to get out & about a bit. Lots of ladies like a 'dog' man you know.....so come on you old bugger....cheer up! XXX
ReplyDeleteSid, i have been straining my neck looking for you, but you are nowhere to be found! I am so sorry our last chat had triggered this depression. I was overly concern.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I am glad you have decided to try online dating. Ok here's a tip. most of us women want a man who will love us like no other. and we know that real men are usually found at 50+, but sometimes age has nothing to do with someone's heart, which is for me, the first requirement in every human being. without a good and kind heart a man cannot be a loving, giving person. Sid, you are attractive because of the experience you have gained and the lessons you have learned. not to mention the better person you have become.......your a catch!
But if you are really looking for a lifetime partner you need to find a woman who possess all the qualities that you want her to have. It all boils down to compatibility. you must LIKE each other first and then everything else will come naturally.
thinking of you always,
xoxoxoxo
Hello Sid,
ReplyDeleteThat Pluto transiting your Sun and Mars would trigger various maladies.Frankly, not getting out of bed and having a type of ceiling therapy is good for the self.I even think it is better when you can admit it. Some of your attacks are not that awful because I do not know of anyone who is revoltingly normal and those that are, are crushing bores and you always wonder if they are regular.
As to online dating it takes a lot of energy which your planetary probabilities are unable to manifest right now.It would be a search and destroy mission.It would be joy ride on a tidal wave of lost causes. Tough it out a bit more Sid.
The first hundred years of existence is difficult. Then you and I pull up a coffin and make ourselves at home.
Seriously Sid, I would say tough it out a bit more.You have a rank in the army and you know what that is about.Do the boot camp of ceiling therapy so you do not fall into mistakes as you would be vulnerable now.
Take care.
Good on you for getting out of bed and going into town!!!
ReplyDeleteWith online dating just take your time, if your serious about the woman then meet face to face as soon as you can, so time isnt wasted you two don't match at all. Sounds like a contradiction but I think you understand.
Yes sometimes your depression is triggered from what people may say even if well intended or concerned, perhaps if you see what the person says as caring rather than a negative you can move forwards again :)
As I have said before your not that old, age doesn't really come into it for women, its the person as a whole :) GOOd Luck!!!!
Sid,
ReplyDeleteAlthough Pluto may be transitioning from out of my UrAnus while I'm trying to eat a Mars bar with the Sun in my eyes, Stella has a good point, and took the words right out of my mouth. I was going to say just think of this as some kind of military survival training. Or, maybe you've already learned something you can put to use.
Although everybody reacts a little differently to depression, and you don't have bi-polar, depression still kinda/sorta runs in cycles. Some days you'll feel better than others. Take advantage of those days and do something for yourself. If you can't make a trip into town, treat yourself to a good pizza and ribs delivery or something. Just be patient with yourself and let the other stuff you planned happen in it's own good time.
As far as online dating, or even going clubbing at nicer establishments, I'm an expert on what !!!NOT!!! to do. Just take your time and, like Kirst said, meet the ladies in a neutral place first. I can tell you, from many bad experiences, that finding out if they are a psycho or a gold digger is of the utmost inportance! lol
I know it's sometimes impossible to do but, try not to dwell on the loneliness part. Sometimes, when you least expect it, you'll meet somebody worth spending time with.
I had totally given up on relationships when I met one of the nicest women on earth, at random, in a chat room. If I wasn't such a broke ass man, I'd be with her now.
Even though Odette has had a taste of what a pain in the ass I am, once I get there, I suspect it won't take long before I have lumps all over my head, and "Made In Japan" imprinted into my forehead from her frying pans (I give her about three weeks before she starts swinging).
Even so, I'll be the happiest man alive.
Just hang in there and take r easy.