I don't normally get depressed around Christmas. This year I am. I was to go to a lunch at the center today and had even made arragements for someone to make sure I was up it. They made 1 call to my cell which being in my shirt pocket didn't wake me. I woke about 5 and the regular phone had no problem getting two more calls. It had been by my head and the person who was to wake me does have a key.
I was quite upset at missing the dinner especially since I had done my best to make sure I would be able to go. I am seriously considering rethinking this friendship as in the last month it has cost me over $500. Trying to make sure she and her estranged daughter had a good Xmas. As a result I'm a bit behind on some bills.
I was invited to a dinner today now I guess. However since I can't count on being awake on time ( Medications, I don't sleep normal hours or wake easily ). I phoned the family who were out and as politely as I could explained I can't be sure I would wake in time for the 2pm dinner ( it's also about a mile walk we have no public transportation here and I think the few Taxis in town are off tomrrow..
I spent today fasting and will do the same tomorrow. I know Christmas isn't a normal time to fast but maybe I will get some kind of inspiration on just what to do.
I thought I was getting better but this is another slip back. Seems I now have a mild case of social anxiety on top of the other things. I'm on the verge of giving up hope and just arranging to live without going out at all. That means getting rid of both the cat and the dog. I am allergic to the cat and the dog has a bit pain along with the blindness. After close to 8 years now maybe it is time to quit trying to get better and hope for a miracle and just learn to live with the illness.
No Sid, you can not give up! we all feel the "pit" at some point in our life. maybe you just felt it more often and more deeply. But i also know that you got good days. good enough days that you can even think of running a marathon with Rick!
ReplyDeleteSo, just hang in there and this too will come to pass, ok?
oh, i never feel so much urge to reach out to you to hold your hands....darn, if only i can do that!
xoxoxoxo
I'm reaching out too..... Come on, chins up! xxx
ReplyDeleteWhile Tracey you have given one positive thing to look at. Despite turning 56 next month it is still chin up rather than chins up.
ReplyDeleteThough he or she " has more chins than the Hong Kong phone directory remains a good way to cheer up someone who has just been given an undeserved browbeating by Moby Dicks identical twin.
However I have been trying so hard for so long and have really done all I can to be as good a person as I can that I have spent most of the day in tears and see tomorrow being the same. Everyday the odds of getting better get closer to the odds of winning the lottery than they do to recovering and being able to lead anykind of normal life. I honestly don't know if my disablility being an invisible one or not is a good thing.
One thing an American fiend of mine who is ex navy has said about me on occasion, is "Did you ever go drill sgt on his ass". A couple of times I did it in writing when someone had said something very out of place in a public forum and I answered before he saw the mail. He has a very disabled wife who I think is younger than Amy.
Sid, I'll be thinking of you and praying that you feel better. Odette is right, we all have our bad days, and I've had some doozies myself. Don't give up!
ReplyDeleteSid,
ReplyDeleteLike I wrote to y u I am so low nothing could get under me .
This where your theory of karma comes in.....and does not come in...
However if I allow this to become a "way of life" then I will pe pulled under.
If by fasting today u come up with a brainstorm pls advise.
Otherwise u seem to be doing your best . What more?
I know it's a cliche that Christmas is the most depressing time of all but it's so bloody true! If I could get on my broomstick I'd come and cast a spell on you to improve your health...but it's so cold and too far to come! So I'll just hope that you will feel better very soon........xxx
ReplyDeleteTracey: All those years I thought I was cleaning human bodies that jumped in front of trains they weren't bodies at all only cliches. Xmas is not the highest time of year for jumpers but the second ( not Xmas day but those leading up to it ).
ReplyDeleteThe highest incidence of jumpers is the week university students get their marks and realize they have partied away what their parents spent saving to send them.
Sid,
ReplyDeleteThat explains the new rules about university tutors and profs who have been told to limit or even re-evaluate those that are at the failing grade. They are given sexond chances.Nowadays they do everything to encourage & assist so that students are able to "pass"