A Question

Some of you have been suggesting I should write a book. I started and almost completed a novel in the past. When it was about 3/4 complete we had a break in and all the contents of the computer room were stolen. Including the backups of the novel. I had set out to write the worlds worst novel. Problem was everyone who started to read it would be rolling on the floor and wanting to know whats next. It would be dated to write the exact same one again but I guess I could try that.

However I am posting this to ask what you that read my ramblings think I should write. Kirst suggested a book on men for women. I mentioned it to a few of my real life female friends and they like the idea. I have a working idea for the title. Never Date Anyone Whose Cell Number Has Nothing to do with a Phone. However I could work on more than one at once till something ends up long enough to publish. So everyone suggestions? Please. My Dad suggested I just wait til the blog is long enough and publish it.

I Figured out the Force

I didn't know what to write today. A friend is sick and I thought about writing about my Dad and his attitude to everything. He is a born Zen master who knows nothing about Zen. Which when you think about it is very Zen.

Unfortunately I find it hard to imitate him and I have known him since my mom was changing my diaper and I accidentally peed on his face while he was sleeping. At least I hope it was a an accident I was pretty young and can't remember.

So what is the next best thing to Zen. How about the Force from Star Wars. I think I have figured out what it is. What do we know about the Force?

It has a dark side and a light side and it holds the universe together.

The answer is obvious. It has been in front of us for years.

The Force is Duct Tape.

Use the Force K use the Force. If not to hold yourself together you can use it to tie up the Doctors until they can get things right. It is also very effective as a gag. I also make Duct tape wallets. K if you promise to cheer up and send me the address I will mail you one. What colour would you like it comes in many colours now. Regular, Red, White, Blue, Black and Camo. Though in hospital Camo wouldn't do a very good job of Camouflaging anything. White maybe. We have white Camo gear for the snow here.

I had better go. A polar bear is frightening the penguins.

Money's Super Model

Supermodel's are a big thing nowadays. Everywhere we look we the same faces on magazines billboards and television commercials. However these supermodels have a pretty short shelf life. Five years is a great run for them. There is however one place that the same place has been occupied by the same person's visage for over half a century. It is on our money. Not just Canada's Money. Kirst and Tracey I think you have the same Money Model. All of our Coins bear her image as do some of our banknotes. In fact I'm not sure how many countrys have the Queen on their currency. Let's settle for a lot of them.

So the Queen now has another title ( not that she's short of them ) Money's supermodel.

A Hobby that couldn't have been in the past

When I was young I was pretty involved in lots of things. Mostly Cadets but also camping, survival training and many other things that took me out of the house. When I was working it was often shift and I was away when things I wanted to see on TV were on. I hoped that somehow when I retired I could make a hobby of watching the shows I couldn't see then. TV has not made that possible as most good programs that old are not run these days. If it requires an attention span longer then a blink or an IQ higher than a single digit the programmers think it is to sophisticated for TV ( perhaps they are correct ). However the release of very old shows on DVD's and some of them being on the Internet has made that retirement dream possible. Not easy but possible. I had imagined it would only be a matter of deciding which to watch and as easy changing channels. In those days remote control meant asking your brother to change the channel. ( I'm not sexist just didn't have any sisters. )

The hard parts are one remembering what those shows were and two finding them. The photo at the top is Bill Bixby as the Magician in the 1973 series of the same name. As the show was broadcast on the same night as my Cadet training night I only saw two episodes then. I now have them all in my collection. I have managed to get the whole run of him in The Incredible Hulk. Until the movies they could not make the Hulk as powerful as in the comics. I was a major comic book fan but respected the limitations of then contemporary television. I guess the prize of my collection is the mini-series Shogun with Richard Chamberlain. It's broadcast and the book in many ways caused my interest in languages. Btw with a couple of name changes and the removal of the love story ( there was a love story as his he fathered a line which survives and thrives to this day ) the story is true. Somehow this one man landing in Japan when he did and one leader having the wisdom to make use of his knowledge upset the balance of power and Japan came under a single ruler whose line is the longest dynasty in human history. The real name of the pilot was William Addams. His Japanese name I will leave for you to look up but just realized translates as Ship's pilot.

Satellite television is airing the old series the Rifleman and I am watching that. When I was quite young my Dad took me to a personal appearance of Johnny Crawford who played the young son. He was in his early 20's when I saw him. I was younger when he took me to meet the Cisco Kid. I became a huge fan of Ernest Borgnine when I had a bit part in one of his movies. I was also in charge of armoury security for the time and he hated to eat with the Hollywood types so I smuggled him out to local lunch places for 28 days running. It was the man who is very down to earth I became friends and a fan of. Not the people that he played the parts of. As a result I have made sure I have the Series Airwolf and am still looking for copy of the series "Future Cop" were he played a veteran cop partnered with an android comparable to Data but looking completely human.

The search goes on.

Totally Useless Trivia

I promised this to cheer up a sick friend.

Gilligan's Island Trivia names.

The Skipper's name was Jonahs Grumby

Mary Ann's last name was Summers and she was from Winfield Kansas.

Ginger's last name was Grant.

Professor Roy Hinkley was a research scientist.

I don't think they ever gave Gilligan a last name.

Thurston Howell III's wife's name really was Lovey.

In the first episode the newscasts call him a Billionaire, in the second a multi-millionaire and after that a millionaire

In the First Superman story his father was Jor L later it became Jor-El

His earth parents were John and Mary later Johnathan and Martha. In the movie serial in 1948 they were Sarah and Ethan. On the first episode of the TV series in the 50's they were Sarah and Eben.

Finally in the tradition of movie serials I leave a cliff hanger question. ( I will add the answer in the comments if no one else does in a couple of days ) What is the Queen & Prince Phillip's Surname. ( Married name )

Political Joke Bank

I heard someone describe something today as "A Political Think Tank" they of course followed with "I realize that is of course an oxymoron". That got me to thinking if politics can have "Think Tanks" then they deserve to have a "Joke Bank".

So anyone anywhere who wants to tell jokes about those in politics can put them in the comments here.

I will start. What kind of Doctor specializes in treating those in Politics?

A Proctologist of course.

If someone in Politics has hemorrhoids what do his press releases claim he is suffering from.

Brain Tumors.

You can tell if they are lying. Their lips are moving.

So everyone welcome.

The Dreaded ID Ten T Error

All of us had done stupid things with our Computers. I'm a bit of an expert at doing stupid things. However one of the worst things we can do wrong with a computer is commit the Dreaded ID Ten T error. This error comes in a variety of forms. Normally the only remedy is to get you neighbour's six year old son over to fix it for you.

ID Ten T errors are not new to computers. They have been around since the dawn of the age of Technology. They are usually severe and only happen when we desperately need that technological marvel right this second.

Some typical ID Ten T errors are failing to plug in the device. Failing to turn it on. Wondering if your toaster caught a virus from your computer or the microwave ( I still regret telling my Mother that could happen. Convincing her something ridiculous is easy as all my brothers and I are very technical and give an inch we will take a light year. George is still trying to convince her Dogfish aren't really good guard pets and really won't swim to the top of the tank when strangers come in gulp air and expel it making a sound that sounds just like a very large dog. )

It took me three days to convince the guys at work that no the union wasn't really organizing a campaign to make ground hog day a national holiday.

I have been using computers since 1981. Built my first one from parts and a set of instructions. So I will share my first computer related ID Ten T error with you. It is not a good idea to pick up your soldering iron by the hot end.

For those of you that haven't spotted it yet another way of writing ID Ten T error is this ID10T error.

Child Proofing

The picture above is two RCMP child id kits. RCMP is short for Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The kits were produced by wal-mart and handled by the RCMP. The local Mason's have a similar program.

The kit involves taking the child's fingerprints. A current photo and a few strands of hair pulled out so roots are intact for DNA identification. The Mason's setup is a bit better in that they also shoot a short video of the child identifying him or herself and put it on DVD. All of this is returned to the parent and lets authorities go into action faster in the event of a missing child. What we here call an amber alert. I'm sure you could go to your local police station and have the prints taken properly by the stations identification officer. You should update the photo and video every 6 months or so.

These are steps that make recovering a lost child easier but a better approach is prevention. Not that these steps should not be taken but you can help prepare your child not to go with strangers. Often strangers will pretend to be looking for a dog or a lost child or anything that will get a child's trust. If possible make sure there are only certain people your child will go with. It also a good idea if the child has a password. A word you and the child know and in the event you ever do have to have someone pick up the child you let them have the password. It should be changed often at least weekly plus any time it is used it needs to be changed again.

You can practice the child in this with the aid of friends that may be from work who the child does not know. Make sure someone else always has the child in sight and do a dry run. It is probably a good idea to return the favor for the co-workers kids. It's a simple thing but it is something you can teach which is more effective than the simple "don't go with strangers" most settle for. To a Child their definition of a stranger may not be the same as ours.

Impulse Control

I have heard it said that stress if a result of the conflict created when your mind over rules body's impulse to strangle someone who desperately needs it.

I guess that's why we have more stress as we get older. When younger we haven't yet leaned how to control our impulses and immature is someone who never learns. Regardless of age. There are lots of other impulses we have to control and often we don't. Like an extra piece of something fattening when we are trying to lose weight. Or procrastinating when we know we really should be doing something. I know one of the reasons normal students hate mature students is the latter start an assignment the moment it is assigned instead of waiting till the night before. I know the profs often used me as an example when others said they hadn't had time. They would get " Sid works full time and handed it in the next week ". One had an answer " It's not fair to compare normal people to him he's a genius and military trained. " To which the prof said " What you said isn't an argument for extensions it's an argument for bringing back the Draft."

I have a bad time putting the brakes on my mouth. Sometimes I fail. Not too long ago I was in line at the checkout of a local store and a woman in front was giving the cashier an awful hard and unwarranted time. There was quite a long line up. Partly as a result of this woman ( notice the word Lady was never considered here ). I slipped my mouth opened and out came the words. " Shouldn't you be home feeding the flying monkeys they must be hungry with you wasting so much time." Suddenly those in line started clapping. She shut up paid and left. When I got to the cash the girl there whispered thank you. So just maybe once in a while we should break down and let our impulses take control and strangle someone who desperately needs it.

Kirst: I think maybe the reason Doctors no longer wear stethoscopes is someone lacking said impulse control used it to do just that.

TV Ratings

I don't mean the viewer ratings they use to decide how much they can get away with charging to tell you about the latest deodorant and what new smelly body part they have just decided it can be put on. I mean the adult content type of ratings. What prompted this was as I was about to watch a show on BBC Kids called My Hero which our UK friends my be aware or they warned this show contains mature content. I fell off the couch. I have been watching the show since my very young nephew turned me on to it. The show is a great many things most hilarious but the idea of ever having the tiniest bit of maturity was funnier then anything ever on the show. I can't even begin to describe the show. Let's just say that even kid's in kindergarten can laugh at how dumb the hero is. He makes Gilligan look a top level NASA scientist.

I am aware if a show says mature content it only means no thinking needed. After all a Shakespeare play being performed is a very mature subject but they don't warn you about that. Mind you those who are not familiar with his work end up changing channels and talking about the new foreign language channel. Also the warning about adult content. What it really means this show has things in it you would be embarrassed to have the kids catch you watching. Another one is this program contains cartoon violence. Alas poor Road Runner. I knew him well Horatio.

The Need to Believe in Fantasy

Everyone lives a world where we have loneliness, crowds, pressure, stress, boredom, anxiety, pain, and angst among other things. Each of us needs a mini vacation at least once a day and sometimes much more often then that. For some that seems to come only when we sleep and dream but few of us can even remember that which we dream.

We need a place to go to escape to and at some level we need to believe that in some way that place is real. Something similar to what Stephen King calls suspension of disbelief in the course he teaches at the University of Maine in Orono. ( bet many of you didn't know he has worked as a professor for years and even wrote textbooks. As you may of guessed he teaches how to write horror. He has a book Danse Macabre which is a text for the course but also good reading ). Basically suspension of disbelief is the ability to turn off the knowing something is not real and pretend it is in order to enjoy it. This is especially true with horror films. However and I am sure the ladies know this it is also very true of Guy films. After all they don't really make automatic pistols that can fire nine hundred thousand rounds without reloading then run out of ammo just at the right time.

As I said some of us only go to such fantasy worlds in our dreams and it was a dream inspired this piece. Last night or rather as I woke this morning I was dreaming I was in a very large store shopping for a fantasy. Not the kind that gets printed in Men's Magazines. The Camelot, Gotham City, Sherwood Forest, King Solomon's Mines, James Bond kind of fantasy. A place we can go for adventure thrills love or what ever it is we are looking for. We each need a place or perhaps many such places. It is nice if we can close our eyes and take a trip to our own real life but imaginary movie where we are the main player. It can be anywhere, anytime and with anyone. However we need to in some small way believe that part of it is real. In a sense it is. Everything is created first in thought before our minds can tell us that it is in fact real. Also how we act and behave in these imaginary worlds can effect how we behave in real life to a great extent. So it is more important to save the world then rule it and fight for what is right then it is to be fought over.

So I encourage everyone to take these mini vacations when they can. These travels can ease loneliness. Give us a temporary respite from pain. Provide an outlet for frustrations and may have a million other uses I have not thought of.

So relax, daydream and fantasize just try to do it in what you know is a good way for you.

Is Peroxide an Endangered Species

It’s summer here and everywhere you look there are lots of pretty girls. The thing is 19 out of 20 of them are blonde. The ratio is kind of interesting because from what I know of genetics only 5% of the population is blonde so the numbers should be the other way around. Only one of the 20 should be a natural blonde. Perhaps we should blame Marilyn Monroe and movies like Gentlemen prefer blondes. Or advertising with slogans such as blondes have more fun. The fact that natural blondes are far outnumbered by peroxide blondes gives rise a number of the blonde jokes. Examples are how can you tell you have a blonde landscaper. The Bushes are darker then the rest of the plants. Also what do you get when you stand 10 Blondes on their heads. 9 Brunettes and a Redhead.

Or perhaps is the stereotypes of the dim witted blondes. Perhaps young girls think blondes aren’t expected to think so if I dye my hair blonde it won’t be expected of me. (Girls it is still your marks that will determine where you can go to college or even if you can. Your hair colour doesn’t even enter into it) Of course this leads to it’s own set of jokes such as. A cannibal goes into the cannibal butcher and asks for a pound of brains. The butcher says Brunette brains are $6 a pound Redhead brains are $8 a pound and Blonde brains are $18,000 an once. He asks why are Blonde brains so expensive and is told. Do you have any idea how many Blondes it takes to get an once of brains.

No matter the reason we are surrounded by non blonde blondes. So I wonder we are running out of fossil fuels. There are concerns about the worlds fresh water supply. With all these blondes should we also be asking ourselves. Is peroxide becoming an endangered species?

Update on Rick Balls Gold

To see older posts on Rick's running just scroll down and at after you have read keep going back as some are now in older posts. Though it would make more sense in many cases to read these posts in the order posted. I didn't write this it is from his local newspaper.



Even though he found himself in unfamiliar territory, Orillia marathon runner Rick Ball didn’t let up on the gas pedal last weekend in Toronto.
Competing at the Canadian Track and Field Championships, the Bass Lake resident and double world record holder navigated his way onto the medal podium.
“I did my 10,000-metre race on Sunday and finished in a time of 38:20, which wasn’t a personal best for me,” said Ball, speaking with Orillia Today.
“But I am happy with my time, considering it was my first track event and it was a bit hot that day.”
Ball, a single leg amputee, captured a gold medal in the T44 category.
“There was great crowd support, especially the last couple of laps when I was the only one left running on the track. My goal was to run my own race and not get caught up with the other guys,” said Ball. Working closely with his running coach Roger DePlancke, Ball mapped out a training program geared specifically toward the national track finals.
“I wanted to stick to Roger’s plan which was to run hard, but not take any chances of blowing up and not finishing the race. He had me back off on my pace a bit due to the hot sunny weather,” he said.
As someone accustomed to running trails and roads during the past two years, Ball found the track environment a bit intimidating.
“I was a bit nervous due to the big event and the fact that the track was new to me.
“Varsity Stadium is a wonderful brand new facility for track and field. It was nice running on the rubber track,” he said.
Ball attended the Canadian Track and Field Championships at the invitation of Dave Greig, the para-athletics national talent development coach with Athletics Canada.
“It was a great experience for me. For a para-athlete like myself to be running in the able bodied race is practically unheard of. This is the new direction that Athletics Canada is going in to try and integrate us together as much as possible and I was lucky enough to benefit from that.
“It was a true honour for me to be running with some of the top elite Canadian runners like Reid Coolsaet, Andrew Smith and Dylan Wykes,” added Ball.

A Life Changing Day

Forty years ago on the first Saturday of July I had one of those days which seem insignificant at the time but in retrospect changed my life. On that day myself and some of my school friends Kevin Pawson, Dietmar Schoenrock, Dave Cunning, Tony Smith & Rolf Renz left for our first day of full time Cadet Camp. We spent the next six weeks doing what was essentially basic training at Camp Ipperwash. Somehow over the next 42 we all changed in many subtle ways. I do think that in each case it was for the better. Most of us were 15 at the time. I had been to a few Scout and Cub Scout Camps prior to this. I don’t think any of the others had been in Scouting but I don’t know for sure.

The Aim of the Cadet movement is to develop in youth the attributes of good citizenship & leadership. To promote physical fitness and to stimulate an interest in the sea, land and air elements of the Canadian Armed Forces. I had to memorize that for a test a couple years later. I still remember it word for word. A couple of Days ago I mentioned 40 years was coming up to Diet who asked “ How do you remember stuff like that “. To be honest I don’t know I seem to be able to remember everything I have ever read. Sounds like my own voice being played back on tape inside my head.

We had swimming I think everyday. There were sports in the evening. We drilled, camped out a couple days each week. Spent a few days on the rifle range. Studied map & compass, fieldcraft, campcraft, outdoor living skills. We slept in barracks or on bivouacs. We learned to trust and depend on each other and we became trust worthy and dependable.

The name of the Course was Cadet Leader. The next year Diet and Kevin went on Cadet Leader Instructor. I went on Cadet Leader Rifle Coach. Several months later in March we went for a week of testing for Master Cadet. All of us place in the top 20 of a course which had a 30% fail rate. I placed first and many years later were to discover I had not only gotten the high score for that area but the whole of Canada. That summer the three of us went on Advanced Cadet Leader at Banff in the Canadian Rockies. That along with the summer 3 years later when I returned as a Mountain Climbing and Glacier Travel instructor was probably the most enjoyable in my life. On the other hand we worked out butts off. Funny how we get the most enjoyment out of things in which have to put the most effort.

For those who have the chance to something of this sort I highly recommend doing it. I think the large majority of those who tried changed very much for the better. A few were unable to deal with being away from home and those usually went home in the first few days of their first camp. Cadets have been toned down in many ways. For example the weapons training is all but a thing of the past. Also Cadets is Co-ed now by coincidence the weapons training went about the same time the girls were admitted. I don’t think it was the result of the girls enrolling but of our parliament at that time not having a single member who had served in the Armed Forces. In my view it is frightening when those who want to run the country do not have a single individual who was willing to put him or herself at risk for that country. However even with the changes it is still something I would recommend for any young person.

Young Drunk Guys's Idea of the Perfect Woman

There are two posts today. This is the comic one so please read the update on Rick Ball’s Running life in the next post.







As Promised this will be a list of what I think ( from having been in many such discussions way back when the Lord was a Lance Corporal ) a group of just turned of drinking age males, would put in a list for the perfect woman.

I am going to assume they have been drinking and are continuing to do so. The items with numbers are things they cfcs is short for comments from the cheap seats which will be interjected. Imagine this as a conversation of sorts.

1. She should have a body like Barbie. Only taller, and not plastic, and anatomically correct.

Cfcs: I always suspected you were into plastic women only I thought they were inflatable.

Cfcs: In your home town the best looking women are inflatable.

2. Yeah she should have been born with all her parts. If I say my Tranny I want it to mean I’m talking about the Transmission in my car.

3. Yeah no tree trunks!

4. She should be a nymphomaniac.

5. And a virgin.

Cfcs: Where your from they have two definitions of a virgin. Any woman with less than 3 kids or you.

6. Right she should be a virgin and a nymphomaniac.

7. And not a Guy.

8. She should be blonde.

Cfcs: Know what you get when you turn 10 blondes upside down? Nine brunettes and a redhead!

Cfcs: You know you’ve got a blonde landscaper if the bushes are darker than the other plants.

9. She should be smart.

Cfcs: If she was smart what the hell would she be doing going out with you?

10. Right smart but with bad taste in men just bad enough to be one of us.

11. She should be a good cook.

Cfcs: Like your mother?

Cfcs: No like McDonald’s or Burger King, or KFC or the Pizza Place. You know good food.

12. She should be good in bed but not know it.

Cfcs: Where are you going to find a Woman dumb enough to think your good in bed?

13. She should own a liquor store.

Cfcs: I need another drink.

14. She should be a nymphomaniac.

Cfcs: Did we say that already?

15. She should be Green like those Orion Slave Girls.

Cfcs: You watch too much Star Trek. Kirk would have sex with a pile of Rocks if he thought it was female.

16. She should be twins.

17. She should be a Mute so she isn’t talking during the game.

Cfcs: anyone who watches sports on tv is a ( multiple choice depending on part of globe ) (Pussy or Wanker )

18. She should be Rich.

Cfcs: Scuse me I gotta hurl.

19. She’s gotta own lots of nylons and garter belts but no panties or Bra’s.

Cfcs: How about Victoria’s Secret Bras and Panties.

Cfcs: Okay but the Panties have to be the edible kind.

20. That’s 25 isn’t it.

Cfcs: How do I know you’ve got the list.

Cfcs: I can’t read my Writing.

Cfcs: you can read period.

Cfcs: I’m getting another beer anybody want another beer. Hey Buddy I need a leak while your in there praying at the alter of the porcelain god take a leak for me.

Rick Ball Gold Medal Update

Got a gold medal Sunday in the Canadian National Track and Field Championships at Varsity Stadium in the T44 class for the 10,000m race. It was a huge honour to be running with some of the top elite runners in Canada. This was unheard of to have a par athlete run with able bodied athletes and Athletics Canada was kind enough to invite me to the event.

Next up for Rick is Athletics Canada training camp in Windsor, Ontario on July 8 which includes a 5,000 m race.

Happy Birthday Canada

Today Canada is let me think 142 years old the country is not going senile just me.

I remember the fuss when we turned 100. We had Expo 67 the worlds fair in Montreal and my Grandparents took me. Mind you I was only 13 and they needed an translator. Quebec is Canada's French speaking province. Oddly of the 4 brothers I am the only one who speaks French. We all can read it. You see everything here comes in both official languages. As members of my family are too lazy to reach over and turn labels to the English side they can all read French. ( I have noticed whichever side any of us pick up is the side we read my bothers only we may strain our brains but not our wrists ). I am tempted to tell a couple of funny French and my family stories but they could be a whole page alone and it is the county's birthday so another time.

What are Canadian's most proud of. Not so much our acomplisments as parts of our character. In general we are very polite and have a sense of humor. An American movie with a lot of Canadian Actors points both out well. I am referring to "Canadian Bacon" directed by Micheal Moore the documentary guy and starring John Candy in his last role. Some parts may only be funny to Canadians. For example where the Americans poke fun at our Flag and Anthem no one cares but then the insulted our beer and a riot broke out. That is so Canadian most guys I know fell off their couches when they saw it laughing. Same when the police pull the stolen van over and don't arrest the Americans but make them re write all the graffitti they painted on it in French as well as English. The attack scene is funny too.

So to the World. Have a nice Day.