As any of you who have read my ramblings for any length of time know I suffer from Agoraphobia with Panic Disorder. In fact it forced me to retire at 51 ( which was the earliest I could have anyway ). It first hit me in 2002 and I dropped 80 pounds from 18 Feb to June 1st when I got myself committed. This was due the constant panic is similar to running full out all the time. Fight or flight response but with nothing around to make you need to fight or run. The worst attacks I would be completely stiff unable to even open my fist reach in my pocket and take an anti anxiety med. ( it for fear of having such an attack while behind the wheel I stopped driving, even though my illness is not one of the must surrender license illness ).
In the intervening years attacks have become less common as well as less severe but always when out of my comfort zone I would have at least a fair level of anxiety. At such a time I would take a med for it. Going out with someone I knew and trusted there was a good chance I could be attack free as well. From my reading this is the case in close to 75 percent of sufferers. My personal best example of this was I was out with my Dad to Walmart ( Which is only almost as scary as Ray also known as Angry American makes it out to be. In fact when he visits I think I would like to take him to a Canadian Walmart so he can see the difference. I have been to Walmarts in the states and he is not kidding in fact toning it down a bit is not an exaggeration. Canadians laugh easily and in the states we often have a hard time not laughing. Walmart should put up sign's no Canadians permitted without muzzles. When in the Walmart with Dad we got separated and after about 20 minutes I began to have an attack. I had my meds and we meet up very shortly after so no big deal
Yesterday a friend who is a casual friend we talk on the street and he is an overall nice person who has given me rides when he is going out of town as he knows it is good for my therapy offered me a ride. He was giving another friend a ride to a nearby city to buy a new guitar. I went with them. For the first time since I got sick, with no meds ahead of the trip or on it I not only had no attack but no anxiety or even apprehension. It may be the biggest single step forward since I first got sick. Doesn't mean I won't have problems next time but is a definite step forward. Thought I would share the good news. With luck within the year I will be able to travel Canada and the States and with luck a year later anywhere ( haven't figured out how to get to the moon yet, give me time ). Maybe learning Asian languages will not turn out to be such a waste after all.
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My brother keeps bugging me to go to Mexico. He has been I think 3 times. My niece is taking Spanish and I think Rod knows if I go for even two weeks I will come back with some basic command of Spanish. My Dad has been a few times and knows two phrases. " May I have a Beer and May I have another Beer Please "
ReplyDeletei clapped my hands after reading the last paragraph. i was ecstatic with delight! this is indeed a step forward and i can almost see you getting off on a plane in Manila tarmac.
ReplyDeleteHurray!
xoxoxoxo
You know me Odette. I looked into the price of getting off planes without them landing today. Price is a bit high but not out of reach high.
ReplyDeleteI think customs would look down on that so even if I do learn to jump out of a plane odds are if I go to Manila I will have to step onto the Tarmac.
I'm still having a bit of trouble putting all my printed material on your language in a binder properly. I don't want to mess up the written and spoken the way I did last time I tried your language. Monday I will get better tools for organizing the written. I have the spoken well organized.
You may think it odd that I am concerned but English and French are spoken very different from how one would think from the way they are written. That is the reason for the caution. One of the reasons I liked Japanese is if you see it written in 3 of the four written versions of the language you can pronounce it perfectly. The fourth way is using the Chinese symbols and that takes more familiarization.
Russian is also a language if you see written you can say. Unfortunately the only Russian I know how to say is " Good Morning, I Love You, This is a pencil "
Good for you on that. Hoepfully trips out will increase and episodes will decrease. I once know a lady with the same issue who didn't even leave her house for nearly ten years! One day some one prayed for her, and she says she's been fine ever since.
ReplyDeleteAs for my job, I work accounting for an industrial and medical gas company. I have an office, so I sit in a computer chair with a desk and all that crap on top.
~Randy
Worst case of what I have I know of I saw when I was only 4.
ReplyDeleteWhen church got out the minister told my Grandparents he normally took a certain lady her groceries. He had a baptisim to perform and asked if they would take them over for him. Me being four with a big mouth asked if I could go. The minister said meeting a young boy would be good for her.
Before we got there my Grandparents told me she never left her apartment. If she did she got sick or fainted. So not to mention it. I didn't and liked the lady her place was immaculate and everything had hand made doillies on it. We stayed maybe an hour.
When we left I asked my Grandmother how long she had stayed inside the apartment. She said the lady's husband had been killed in the war and she had fainted at the funneral and unable to leave since. I was born in 54 and said "Wow the war was over 13 years ago" My Grandmother got on her knees looked me in the eyes and said " No Sidney, He died in the First World War"
Sometime after I got sick I remembered this and am thankful I am not such an extreme case but do know they exist.
The term "reclusive" was just a polite way of saying someone was sick with agoraphobia or anti- social problem in days of yore.Usually that "reclusive" person was eccentric and had had a great event in their past that had b afected them. I think it always existed but was dealt with discreetly. I am very glad that you are better and getting so by the minute.God Bless.
ReplyDeleteStella ( and others ) I suspect that hermits were also often people who suffered agoraphobia. Part of the difference may have been that those deemed hermits usually had access to books and so were able to do a lot of studying. I've done my share and it shows. Even in youth a preference for books over may more active things was common.
ReplyDeleteCadets and the Army gave me the physical side plus I was on a couple varsity teams, track and rifle and wrestling. Just after my first marriage my wife developed an interest in Karate so the two of us took it together.
Since getting sick tv, dvd's and books have been my salvation. The net has been a big help too but until Odette introduced me to blogging I mainly used it to locate books.
I wonder if in "olden times" those well of were labled recluses or hermits and the less well off witches or crazy.
Reclusiveness usually carried a bibliophilia with it.When I was younger I met famous intellectuals who were rarely were seen in public and they certainly had loads of books on their premises.They, the affluent or famous were considered eccentric or reclusive due to their status.I think there is truth in the distinction regarding the anonymous impoverished and hermetic versus the eponymous affluent. The affluent and erudite were even regarded as ascetic to make it sound more polite.Such deference was given to them.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely true.