Oddly Exhausting

In my last post I wrote about having a breakthrough in not having a panic or even anxiety attack travelling out of town. It is a big deal as with the exception of travelling with very trusted friends that was the first time I had been able to do that in Eight years. Sometimes I have had limited sucess with the help of medication.

Since then I have been testing the bounds of my comfort zone. Areas that not long ago were limits that would trigger an attack are no longer triggers I can go past them too problem free. With the exception that I am very exhausted by travelling past these former boundry limits. Though only a little more than a half mile back I took a cab home yesterday. I really was tired after ward and some of you may have noticed I don't think I was even at the computer once. It was minor chores then to bed and not even a book or TV on. ( I am not much of a Music person and don't play music while resting. Perhaps I should develop that habit. It may be more relaxing then I would think in theory. That would be my theory not anyone else's. I saw many live concerts while working at a major concert hall during high school. Most of my Cadet and Army postings were out of range of radio stations in those days. And even the weight of a transitor radio ( maybe a pound as opposed to today's grams and an MP3 player also lets you choose thousands of your favorites. A pound made a difference. In fact we would tend to eat the heaviest of the foods we were carrying first so the remainder of the trip we could carry less.

The exhaustion is I think just the next step on the way to healing. I see the shrink next on the 12th and am going to see if I can slowly change one of my meds. Prevents depression as a secondary effect and reduces general anxiety but I do need it to sleep, it is one of the rare meds which you don't build up a tolerance to its sleep effect. It does have one side effect which was good when I had lost so much weight from the constant attacks years ago. Weight Gain is a very deffinate side effect. I wan't to reduce it replacing it with something herbal but now RX not because the med is dangerous but years ago a batch was contaminated. A few deaths resulted some countries pulled it before the cause was found not to be the med but an accidental batch that had poison in it. Our response was to move it to RX only. I had taken it as a young man with no ill effects ( same for the poisioned batch no ill effects have ever been reported it is the same chemical as makes one drowsy after a turkey dinner ) I also found out some take 24 times the amount I do. So I would like to decreae the other med and increase this. He is a very good doctor and explains why he does what. I know I can't sleep without the first med as on the rare times I forget to take it I am unable to sleep for hours till I remember ( and check ) and found I won't fall asleep without it. yesterday while exhausted I still could not actually sleep till after I took it.

All in all I am enthusiastic that I seem to be getting over this. I have read it came in rare cases cure itself as sudden as it came ( It came like someone threw a switch).

So plans now include saving, moving to a proper city. Then preparing for travel. 2 to 3 years in all as I also want to study when I travel so in additon to travel costs I will have tuition.