Some Good News

As any of you who have read my ramblings for any length of time know I suffer from Agoraphobia with Panic Disorder. In fact it forced me to retire at 51 ( which was the earliest I could have anyway ). It first hit me in 2002 and I dropped 80 pounds from 18 Feb to June 1st when I got myself committed. This was due the constant panic is similar to running full out all the time. Fight or flight response but with nothing around to make you need to fight or run. The worst attacks I would be completely stiff unable to even open my fist reach in my pocket and take an anti anxiety med. ( it for fear of having such an attack while behind the wheel I stopped driving, even though my illness is not one of the must surrender license illness ).

In the intervening years attacks have become less common as well as less severe but always when out of my comfort zone I would have at least a fair level of anxiety. At such a time I would take a med for it. Going out with someone I knew and trusted there was a good chance I could be attack free as well. From my reading this is the case in close to 75 percent of sufferers. My personal best example of this was I was out with my Dad to Walmart ( Which is only almost as scary as Ray also known as Angry American makes it out to be. In fact when he visits I think I would like to take him to a Canadian Walmart so he can see the difference. I have been to Walmarts in the states and he is not kidding in fact toning it down a bit is not an exaggeration. Canadians laugh easily and in the states we often have a hard time not laughing. Walmart should put up sign's no Canadians permitted without muzzles. When in the Walmart with Dad we got separated and after about 20 minutes I began to have an attack. I had my meds and we meet up very shortly after so no big deal

Yesterday a friend who is a casual friend we talk on the street and he is an overall nice person who has given me rides when he is going out of town as he knows it is good for my therapy offered me a ride. He was giving another friend a ride to a nearby city to buy a new guitar. I went with them. For the first time since I got sick, with no meds ahead of the trip or on it I not only had no attack but no anxiety or even apprehension. It may be the biggest single step forward since I first got sick. Doesn't mean I won't have problems next time but is a definite step forward. Thought I would share the good news. With luck within the year I will be able to travel Canada and the States and with luck a year later anywhere ( haven't figured out how to get to the moon yet, give me time ). Maybe learning Asian languages will not turn out to be such a waste after all.

What we have forgotten

Not long ago I read in a comic section of the paper about a kid with a wii ( I don't have one. I don't think I will get one though I could afford one. My dislike comes from watching older kids ( late teens ) playing tennis on the wii and thinking they are good tennis players because they get good scores in wii. Excuse me your feet never moved. Tennis players I know are beat after a game of chasing the ball all over the court. Stand in one place and you will not score a single point.

Back to the comic. The kids grandmother was saying when I was your age all we had to play with was a stick and a wooden hoop. A slight exageration then I realized. I have no idea how to made a wooden hoop. I with blacksmith tools make a metal hoop. ( yes I can remember blacksmiths though they were few and very far between. One of my classmates fathers was a blacksmith and even now the company I worked for employees two. For special jobs fabricating metal that would take way to long to contract out.

I wonder how many other simple things I never learned to do. I don't even know where to look them up. You won't find it on the net I bet and if you do won't understand the instructions.

Just a thought as I was falling to sleep that I decided to get up and blog.

Just What do the letters MD really mean

Update on the flu. Fever is gone so is lots of other things still have some sinus problems as with central heating our air is extremely dry in winter. Thanks to Stella for the nasal spray advice. Something I should have remembered. I am still waking with a whopper of a headache but sinus not migraine so I can make it go away with getting the sinus cavity clear and a simple pain killer. Like if you drop a hammer on your toe you won't notice your headache. ( joking that's a last resort and will not work for migraines. You drop the hammer on your toe and grab your head as anything makes those dreaded things worse ).

My chest has pretty much cleared. I suspect if I use a saline nasal spray at bedtime and whenever I wake in the night the headaches on waking will go and I will be able to get to the things I wanted to start as of my birthday now a week ago. ( I don't cry over spilt milk, I couldn't do anything about the bronchitis and flu. Now if it had been lost chocolate that would have been a different thing. ).

After reading Kirst's blog for a while I often feel like crying over what the medical establishment has put her through. Makes me wonder no make that certain that in some cases MD is short for Mentally Deranged. Many Doctors are arrogant but her's is the first I have heard of who seems a disciple of the Marquis de Sade.

I used a long distance card to talk to Odette yesterday. Hate to say this Odette but I think you phones are not as clear as ours. You sounded tiny. Very nice but even your voice is petite. Mind you here that is considered very attractive both in manner and looks. I'm sure being able to phone you will help me make sure I learn to pronounce your language properly. I hate sounding like a foreigner when I speak. My goal in how well I learn a language is two fold. Be able to read and write as well as a high school grad in the country whose language it is and have natives not be able to tell I am not a native on the phone. It's not hard with spoken Japanese but my French is of two kinds so I have to be there for a while for my "ear" to adjust. It also takes a few days before I am thinking in French. I can make the switch easier in Japanese. ( if someone is only thinking of learning to speak a new language Japanese if only spoken is not hard and is much more logical than western languages. At least in my view )

I also want to thank Stella for offering to help me learn Greek as soon as I finish my 1st run at Tagalog which I expect to take 2 or 3 months ( a fellow Canadian with Greek roots not to be confused with Blonde Roots. As it was my people in Braveheart it was her's in 300. If anyone wants to know what is history and what is Hollywood in either of those movies I would be glad to answer. For example the Scottish mooning the English Army and the Irish King having Edwards Irishmen change sides are both true. The romance between Wallace and the princess is not she was age 2 at the time. 300 is harder but one quick note the Spartan uniforms are accurate. Even the colour and that musical instrument you see them marching behind is a Spartan bagpipe. )

First Fever

As you all know I have been fighting some normal winter ills lately. Something which probably includes bronchitis ( any minor chest infection can do it since I worked the subway tunnels and on the dirty carbon dust from the motors ) Being a life long non smoker it is at worst an irritant that tends to make me tired. Possibly from less efficient oxygen usage. There are what get called the winter blahs on top of that. Anyone who live anywhere it snow regularly for 3 months knows what I am talking about. Even Mimi may as California has ocean dessert and mountains and mountains have snow even in summer from time to time. On top of that I have had more migraines then usual as the weather is more changeable then most winters. Mine lead a storm by almost exactly 24 hours. It isn't always a storm even a pressure drop without precipitation will do the same.

Today I feel as if I feel down a flight of stairs while suffering a migraine. For the first time I have a fever. So Tylenol and fluids ( every notice Lonely Tylenol is the same backwards and forward ) I have to go to the doctor at 5 tomorrow so unless the fever breaks I will also get checked at emergency. I have not had the flue shot only because I know you are not supposed to get it if you are suffering any other cold type illness. I have been getting the flu shot every year since they came out. Condition of employment as we worked with literally millions of people. For our protect in and theirs. A logic I agreed with. Still do. For people in jobs like that. I would normally have a day or two of feeling just slightly weak then be fine. I did once get it when I had a flu coming on and was much sicker had to take a few days off. ( if you haven't noticed I seem to be rambling ).

The young lady who helps me out has gone to pick me up some drinks. and things that are easy to make. I have a big pot of beef barley soup I started yesterday but it won't be ready till tomorrow.

I should count my blessings. At least I don't have H.A.G.S. which is short for Herpes, Aids, Gonorrhea and Syphilis. However with modern science even it has a treatment. You are given a private room and feed a special diet of pizza, pancakes, fried eggs, toast and anything else thin enough to slide under the door.

Weather is here Wish I Was Great

I haven't posted lately. Sorry but I have not been in the mood to write. I enjoy writing and am in a state that takes the enjoyment out of it. I suspect weather may be playing a part. Those of you who are Canadian or if I have any readers in Siberia will be able no doubt to relate. I'm told the weather in Ontario and Siberia is almost identical. Makes sense as both are about the same size ( huge ) and equally far north of the equator. The southern part of Ontario has the Great Lakes to moderate the weather and over 90% live within 100 miles of them. I'm part of that 90% but the lakes only tone down a Canadian winter.

It's not the cold or the snow. It's the dull days and the, sorry but I can't think of a word for it but going about outside is tedious in this weather. It is either very cold or warm and nice that melts the snow and things become wet and slushy, dirty muddy. Or the temp is just around freezing and you have to be careful not to fall. The overall effect is you really hate to go out. Our homes are warm generally cozy and we are pretty much spoiled with all the modern technology we have at our fingers.

I tend to have less severe but much longer lasting headaches at this time. I have been dealing with a low level headache for days now. It has me sensitive to light and it tends to make everyday things chores no matter what they are. You can put off most chores for a bit. Dishes can pile up. You can put off vacuuming for a day or so. Even groceries thanks to freezers and canned goods and I have to confess sending out for both pizza and Chinese in the last week. Two chores are musts. Walking the dog and the cats litter box. Running the treadmill and studying are two things I have put off for now. Running or even walking other than very slowly as when I walk the dog ramp up the headache or if it is gone for the moment bring it back. I can still read if it is something like a novel or humor. I have been reading the Darwin Awards. Got the book from the library. If you need a laugh look them up on the net. It is kept up to date and the formal Darwin awards are a result of the Internet.

So as winter drags ( we can have bursts of good weather for sometimes weeks. This year 2 good days seems the limit. The extra two minutes of daylight each day are very noticeable.

Hopefully I will shortly my brain damaged self. ( I actually have had more concussions then I care to admit ). I will be back to running studies and blogging then.

A Workout Without Opening the Box

I have been putting off buying a treadmill for ages. Mainly whenever I was somewhere that sold them and I had access to a vehicle that could carry it no model with the features I wanted was on sale. Or even at full price in stock.

Today a store at the edge of town had one on as part of it's boxing week sale had the exact one I wanted on for 399.00 it is on next week as well but for 549.00 It is normally listed at 999.00 and this is the first time I have seen it below 900.

I got it home via large cab then as my apartment is above a store had to get it upstairs. With the help of two friends and using the carrier on the wheelchair lift ( it came with the apartment. My Mom uses it rather than the stairs when she visits and when my nephew visits it takes me a half hour before he gets bored playing on it. I can't really complain I still watch cartoons )

But what a workout. I haven't opened the box yet but if I did that every day by summer I would be giving the Governor of California a run for his money. Except I got it for cardio I already have a good gym. So here come my next two resolutions. I get in condition, two get in shape. ( condition is how healthy my body is condition is how it looks ). It would also be nice to have the talking weigh scales say "one at a time please"

So now everytime I finish a run or weight workout I will look at the machine and do my Arnold imitation to it. "I'll be Back"

How can flowers have sex in this weather

I woke up this morning and aside from talking the dog with me and getting coffee. Things like working on the written things I wanted to do were out. My eyes were tearing badly usually my allergies. Took a double dose of anti-histamines to stop it ( they still itch a bit ) Normally I get this if more one of the things I'm allergic to are around. I'm going to turn up the Orick air cleaner for the day ( just thought of that but this is the first allergy event since I got it. previously I liked I could let smokers have a cigarette if next to it rather than step into the hall. Which doesn't really work as though the allergies won't act up I will smell it for days ) I expected this in the spring when the trees and flowers start their semi annual orgy. I say semi because some do it in the spring some in the fall. I test as allergic to grass too and they are exactly the same. The one so many are allergic to and usually badly ragweed ( I wonder if it got it's name because allergy irritation that bad comes close PMS in making people touchy ).

I have worked out one resolution that I am ready for and may even start early. I have a large collection of language lessons. I plan to daily ( haven't decided on my definition of daily yet, weekdays all but the sabbath or 7/365 ) listen to one lesson reviewing a language ( English won't count unless I find a bunch of those voice and diction tapes or Some kind of read along with Shakespeare. I love reading him and the Romantic era poets aloud. Tracey's Byron remark recently was funnier than she could have meant as he and Shelly are my favorites though Elizabeth Barret Browning is darn good. Anyway by one I know right now limits me to French and Japanese. I have roughly 90 half lessons of each. I also want to play one new language each day. So that is an hour per day. To start with I may concentrate on one language at a time am thinking of starting with Tagalog or Odettes national language.I have two separate sets of lessons for it. One includes written and I will start with that one so I can make notes for the one which does not include written.

My written Japanese needs work too. Japanese is not a difficult language till you hit reading and writing. I find it a logical language unlike English or French. French is a bit weird for me as I learned both Canadian and French French. To compare Canadian French has a lot of very old words as if a Frenchman were listening to someone talk in Shakespearian English plus words for newer things borrowed from English. Example the French word for gasoline is l'essense in Quebec it's la gas.

Canada belongs to two language clubs one for French speaking nations and the other for English. Both have over 100 members ( which still surprises me )

Other resolutions and how I will follow them will follow. Ray for your info few in this province speak French and almost none along your route to set your mind at ease. AS until today when it is about zero it had been hovering near -18C That is about -2 for Ray and Mimi. I have been feeling for Chet. The stores keep playing that song about roasting his nuts on a open fire.

Kick it in the Bucket List

I make my resolutions between new years and my birthday which is only 2 weeks later by which time most folks have broken every item on their lists. I don't do bad since I don't just put something down but a how to do it.

I usually last 3 months to item crossed off as done. I do some slipping after the 3 months but am not to bad at getting back on the horse.

Now that I am at middle age ( entering it I hope barely ) I also need to come up with a bucket list. A list of things to cross off before I do something so stupid it's fatal. ( That is the most common way for males to shuffle off this mortal coil isn't it. and if it isn't it probably is the most fun )

In youth we have goal list, school, job, certain attainments. I got some of mine at a ridiculously early age. Priest, Commissioned Officer, Intelligence Officer, Marksman, Mountain climbing instructor and Infantry Platoon Commander all before 21.

By 25 I had a decent set of educational qualifications and a share of adventures and was into a career which would have me retire at 51. Getting sick at roughly the same time was not part of the plan. Blowing my own first marriage which if you only get to have one love of your life was mine. However since I blew that then making my life's biggest mistake is also behind me so there is the plus in it.

So this blog is to look for suggestions. Throw in items you think should be in my bucket list ( some may have be resolutions first ) and I can decide add to list or not my thing. I had a Friend who made a comment about hating flying in helicopters. I said I liked it. Then he added he really felt sick after landing to which I answered I don't know I've never been in one that landed. I've jumped out, rappelled out and rolled out into platoon formation but not with them touching the ground. So going on an ordinary helicopter ride would not appeal to me. Perhaps as part of a date it may be neat. To ride in a chopper in a tux instead of combat gear would be nice. but no matter how easy, hard, time consuming or stupid throw in your ideas.

Damn still sick

Slept through the business part of the day have slight headache, congestion back but not nearly as bad and the race for the bathroom. Hopefully it's just me finally kicking the last of it.

Why this blog seems late

First as many may have guessed I have been slightly sick. Sinus and Chest Congestion mostly but with anything that affects breathing when trying to be witty you only get half way there.

Second just before midnight a friend and reader comment ted are you leaving it at 99 posts this year. As the number 99 has certain meaning for me this is what I wrote her.

99 is a special number in many ways in my life. My Grandfather was one of he original 99's when the subway opened in 1954, I was a subway 99 for many years and also an SRT 99 I ended my time with the TTC as a 199 ( as you may have guessed from this a 99 is a subway or srt emergency mechanic. I streetcars we were called emergency men and went by the number of our trucks I usually worked truck 51 but you could describe yourself as a 99 easier all the drivers, police, fire etc knew what it meant ) It's a good number of articles to end the year on. Btw the whatever was making me congested is gone today.


And to another about living across from a bar

I hope I get to the blog today. As you may have guessed I have been a bit sick lately nothing serious probably bronchitis and I woke fine yesterday. I left the number of articles what it was and I will explain why in the next article if it is today or tomorrow. The other part is why I'm so beat today. I live literally across the street from a bar. I feel asleep watching a movie about 7:30 woke about an hour later and was awake all night. First the merry making from the bar. I don't object to that just wish small town bars wouldn't hire a group based on whose parents hate really each other just got divorced so each would get their drinking age but immature child a drum set.. I thought I knew zero about music. I wish to amend that to close to zero. Add know drums are a preclusion instrument which means you hit them does not mean hitting them is playing them. As the sun came up it was still loud and there were a couple ambulances there. No police, I don't blame them I imagine they were stretched to thing. People where still yelling each other's names. For some reason the now believed everyone had changed their name to Hugh. That is because they could only seem to yell "Hey Hugh". Perhaps to drunk to yell You.

I feeling a bit better, my first couple of trips were to get water. As I get more in my system I'm feeling less weak and the pounding headache is almost gone. Don't be surprised if I cut and paste this into the blog. Along with another response to a friend. I was going to have new years dinner with friends but have slept just slightly too long. Perhaps a good thing I know I need to get more water into me. Glad I don't drink in general and had nothing last night. I think I've shaken the illness just need to get healed from it's having me so worn down. I have been sick with congestion since just before the start of DEC. I look on the fact I'm feeling good relatively as a positive thing. I also had some dreams last night where I was young and healthy again. Another good sign as a big part of them was looking for goals and future plans.


Now that I think about it Maybe Bagpipe licensing would be a good idea. Except where would you find a cop tough enough to enforce it. Few SAS units perhaps Tracey?