Gender Challenged

I think I’m gender challenged. Not in the omg I may be gay type but the grew up in a house full of males my mother and grandmother both had only brothers so I have no clue how the opposite sex thinks. This may not be limited to boys only families but from my experience we are a bit dumber. ( if such a thing is possible )

Today I was out with my brother and his daughter who is 1st year of high school and she while my brother was bringing the food we had ordered said “Daddy is a slut” my reply was “Sarah, I’m his oldest brother. I already knew that.”

Something tells me if I had been an aunt Sydney instead of Uncle Sidney she would have gotten a different answer. On the other hand I gave her an honest answer.

She’s lucky she didn’t know him in his wilder days. I mean I could write some of this stuff for Hollywood and no one would believe it.

Perhaps I will write guess how much of this is fiction article and then tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. No one would believe a word of it.

Okay here goes guess what of the following is not true.

He is back living at home while he goes to college the first time after a few years in the work force. ( like the rest of us he has been to college 3 times or more, and finished ). He brings home this girl and soon after we hear bedsprings creaking and the headboard banging against the wall. ( I was visiting my Mom & Stepdad ) Some friends my Mom has known since I was an infant drop by to visit. A few minutes there is a repeat. After a while a pause & repeat. Then it stops and we hear the bath running. This followed by giggling water splashing glasses tinkling and then another creaking and banging session. As Mom’s friends are getting ready to leave they come down the stairs. Mom says aren’t you going to introduce your friend.

He say’s “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be rude. This is my Mother Eleanor my Stepfather George, my brother Sid and these are family friends Fred and Marion Alpine. “ Then he turns to her and says. “What is your name anyway” She introduces herself they head out the door. My Mom and Mrs Alpine have time to pick their chins off the floor and My Stepdad, Fred & I get chewed out for laughing our heads off.

New story he is at a strip bar with a bunch of buddies and our youngest brother (who is in his early 20’s at this time ). Now he is a good looking guy today he looks exactly like Jan Micheal Vincent did when he made AirWolf. A stripper is sitting in his lap and trying to say something to him. The music is very loud and she has to shout. Suddenly the music stops. ( I never did find out why, I got the story from my youngest brother and each of the friends there. All the stories matched. ) Her voice shouts out “ I want to go home with you and f*** all night” his reply he waves at the group and says “No problem. I’ve got lots of friends “. Worst thing is she did go home with him ( just him ).
New Story. On Ground Hog day ( Feb 2 ) he along with my other brothers decide to go Ground Hog Hunting. One brother takes his new shotgun, and he lends the youngest brother a luger pistol ( technically it is illegal to hunt with a pistol ). He takes his M1 semi-automatic War surplus rifle with a full 30 round clip. They see one Ground hog. The shotgun fires a split second early sending my one brother on his butt and giving him a very sore shoulder. The youngest misses with a pistol. Not surprising it takes ages to get good with one and this was his first time firing one. He forgets to take off the safety and gets a click. They head home at least the one with the shotgun gets home and the pistol is dropped off. He and the youngest head to the same strip bar as in the last story and pick up a friend on the way. The M1 and mag are behind the driver’s seat off the truck. In the bar they get in a tussel with some bikers and the bouncers break it up.

Both groups stay till closing 1 AM. At closing it turns out the bikers had come together in a car and were parked right in front of the truck. The biker’s now want to fight. As the biker’s are blustering he speaks up and say’s “ You guys have ten seconds to get out of here” the bikers start “or what” as he opens the door, gets out the M1 puts in the mag cocks it counting very fast 10, 9, 8, at seven he opens up and empties the magazine 30 bullets into the trunk of the now speeding away car.

This story isn’t over. Almost 2 weeks later it’s Valentines day. He is in a suit and taking his girlfriend to dinner. They are at a fairly nice place and he notices that some guys at a nearby table are starring at him trying to place where they know him from. He tells his girlfriend “Drink up were leaving” she “But we just got here aren’t we having dinner” “Drink up”. The penny drops they recognize him and the four of them get up and start to walk to his table. His response look at the group and put his hand inside his suit jacket James Bond reaching for his gun style while looking them down. They suddenly all put their hands out waving no it’s ok and promptly leave. He and his girl have dinner.

Now as you are trying to figure out which of these stories are true remember I may a vivid imagination when it comes to dreams. However I could not make this stuff up. They are all true. The first I was there the rest came from sources I deem reliable.