With the release of the new " Star Trek " movie I promised a friend some Trek jokes. Then my computer got a virus ( probably caught it from the toaster or the microwave ) and I had to wait to post them. Spock would have never let that happen and being fairly technically literate it shouldn't have happened to me either. However that's life. I could lift my right hand open the fingers in Spock's famous V and say " Live Long and Prosper " or do it with my left pointing down and say " Die young and broke ".
My friend thinks Spocks great. Another thinks he is the best Science Officer possible. For me if I commanded a Starship while he would be my first choice for 2nd in command he would be my 2nd choice for Science Officer. That would go to the Professor from Gilligan's Island. Spock may be a wiz but can he make a TV from a couple of coconuts and bamboo. Let's face it if the Professor had the resources of the Enterprise the Borg wouldn't be a problem for more then a half hour. I don't think he would wipe them out just maroon them on some deserted Galaxy far far away where unless they learned to use the force and play nice they would be stuck forever.
My favorite line in the new movie comes from Sulu. When Kirk asks him what type of advanced combat training he has Sulu answers "Fencing". Great comeback, and while in the TV series he used a rapier in the episode where everyone lost their inhibitions. Here he uses a Japanese Katana. Something most westerners don't realize is while we use the Japanese words Kendo or Kenjutsu ( or Iaido ) the Japanese do translate these when speaking English and translate them all as Fencing. Reminds me of an old Chuck Norris interview where the interviewer asked him what the deadliest martial art was. His reply " Machine Gunning ". Honest answer. Personally I would have said Sniping.
There are of course the old jokes. Why does Kirk use the Ladies room. " He wanted to go where no man had gone before ". The gay movement has rendered that one dated.
What did Spock find when he used the head? " The Captain's Log "
Why is the Enterprise like a roll of toilet paper. " They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons "
The movie of course has some good lines. When Kirk meets McCoy and Kirk asks why a Doctor who hates flying and transporters would join starfleet. Just divorced, damn wife got the whole planet. Only thing she left me was my bones. We get the origin of the nickname.
Of course I Love Scotty. Anyone wants a Scots attitude explained in a couple of minutes should listen to Robin Williams " Scotsmen and Golf ". He hits the nail on the head.
Personally I think weather you " Live Long and Prosper " or " Die Young and Broke " is entirely dependent on how you live you life. Unless of course you have McCoy's problem. Even if you do the main thing both Star Trek and Cub Scouts teaches us is " Do Your Best "
OMG, Sid this is a very funny post!!! i am rolling with laughter here. wait till Ray read this...!
ReplyDeletexoxoxox
Sid,
ReplyDeleteI think my brother may have convinced my mom the pc doesn't affect the tv. She always thinks my dad and I are lieing to her about everything. The problem now is getting my brother to convince her the toaster is not a webcam and the internet is not using it to spy on her.
Anyway, great post Sid. I loved it. :D
Ray your going about this backwards. You and your brother convince her things like always toast fresh bread so the appliances don't get virues. Don't walk past the microwave in an underwire bra or you will pick up transmissions from space. Identical twins are really twins ( that one is technically true ).
ReplyDeleteMy brother set up a fishtank for my mom once. He had some dogfish in it. She asked why they were called dogfish and being unable to resist and capable of keeping a straight face while listening to a politician he told her this. They are called Dogfish because the will protect the house when you are out. They aren't used to you yet but once they get used to you if a stranger comes in they will swim to the surface and gulp air then bark it out very loud like a dog and scare the burgulars away.
My next brother overheard her tell this to her cleaning lady. Rod asked where she heard that and she said " Your brother George told me when he set up the tank ". He laughed so hard he needed mouth to mouth.