The Area that Works

The Graphic is from my cousin. Strikes me as a case of you get what you deserve.

However back to the Top Secret Areas. Area 52 the one Area which we know works. It was the brain child of President JFK. His reasoning was there was no way we could fight off an Armada made up of vessels so powerful they could travel from star to star. His idea convince them that there really is NO INTELLIGENT LIFE ON THIS PLANET. Area 52 is somewhere in Hollywood, all of us have felt it's influence. From the Beverly Hillbillies to Gillgan's Island. F Troop, I Love Lucy, The Munsters, Saturday morning cartoons. Hogan's Heroes, Mr Terrific, ( even for Hollywood and Area 52 that one was bad). Get Smart, I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, My Mother the Car, My Favourite Martian.

All of these and more have staved off alien invasion by convincing aliens there is no intelligent life on this planet. On top of that we are protected by Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Lamont Cranston, Peter Parker, and of course Underdog.

Unfortunately having all these shows has had a side effect. As a result of them this planet no longer does have intelligent life. Just in case it ever did.

Weather

The weather affects us all. Right now Odette has weather so bad it has made the paper here 12.000 miles away. So far that you can’t get any further away and still be on the same planet. (I know sometimes I think like I’m really a different planet but that’s only a theory no one has proved that yet). They are getting the most rain they have had in 42 years.

Here it is going about its annual shift from summer to fall. A shift which is rarely smooth and this year is no exception. Plants which pollinates in the fall cause allergy sufferers to have headaches red eyes and runny noses. Since the flu scare is on this means some folks panic. (Others do remember this happens most years). You don’t know how to dress, cold in the morning hot by noon or vice-versa. About the only constant is underwear still goes on the inside. Weather also seems to effect mood. At the moment mine is lethargic. I’m thankful I know plenty of folks who are in some discomfort or greater than regular discomfort due to the changes in weather.

However rather than dwell on our petty weather problems lets pray for those like Odette who are right now facing Wrath of God scale weather.

Goals.

I believe in myself.

Mind you I also believe the Lock Ness Monster is an ancient giant sturgeon. That ufo's may exist and that if intelligent life ever does try to contact us that proves they aren't as intelligent as they thought they were. I also believe it is ok to wear a cowboy hat, ( with built in led's for night ) a Hawaiian shirt camo shorts and running shoes, at the same time.

But aside from not caring what I'm wearing as long as it is functional I am a person who can generally count on himself. Lately I have been taking some steps to get healthier in the areas outside my illness with the idea of one. I will be more likely to be unharmed by an incident and two. The healthier you are the better you feel. So far I have changed my diet and a couple of other habits. Replace bad ones with good ones. Exercise is about to come up next. In the past when I have been very fit it has been almost pure exercise. Now it will be Exercise plus.

So for the next while one of my goals is weight reduction till body fat hits 25% then it will be build more muscle mass while keeping the body fat to 25%.

My speed goal is modest and I hope realistic 1/2 to 1 pound a week on average. I don't expect a straight line result either.

When I joked about going on a Gilligan's island I added a large amount of fruit to my diet. Now I am consuming mostly fruit in the form or smoothies with no limit. Plus at least one other sensible meal and a couple treats a week. I have noticed that as time goes on the craving for so called junk food has reduced. Now it is time to get me to reduce.

Ultimate goal break Methuselah's record for long life and also make it a happy one.

I will progress reports but not often enough to be boring once a month should be plenty.

The Men in Plaid

First the Men in Plaid then back to Super Ultra Top Secret Cross Your Heart and Hope to Fart American Bases.

The Men in Plaid are Scotland's answer to the Men in Black. They have been around a lot longer and wipe out the memories of anyone who really does see the Lock Ness Monster. However they don't use alien technology in the form of a neualizer to do it they use a couple bottles of Scotch. The older the better. There are rumors some folks called them the Men in skirts instead of the Men in Plaid. None of those were ever found.

Area Ten

Area ten seems to be numbered out or order because it did not start as an area but as a committee. When as Tracey loves to point out the Canadians set fire to the Presidential Mansion the committee was formed to decide what colour the mansion should be. Till a decision was reached it would be whitewashed or painted white. Since the committee was taking even longer then most govt departments to reach an agreement it got moved and became Area Ten. They expect to come a decision any day now. That is from a memo leaked to President Lincoln.

Area Eleven

There are 2 area 11's one was set up by the north the other by the south both during the civil war. For those who didn't know this war was not over manners but unless leaving the dinner table during a meal counts. It was about weather or not a state would be allowed to leave the union. The northern area 11 was to set up a Redneck American dictionary. The southern area 11 to set up an American Redneck dictionary.

So far Jeff Foxworthy is doing better than both groups put together.

Areas 12 to 20 were all set up to develop weapons for the civil war. They remain so secret that no one really knows much about them. There is widespread speculation that the ones set up by the south evolved into moonshine operations and are still operating in secret to this day

A Word about SETI

I was searching for Weird Al stuff on YouTube the other day and typed in parody. I got a very funny video about SETI thinking they had found intelligent life in space but that they had got something else instead. Don't want to ruin it for anyone who cares to watch it. It was Funny. However it brought something to mind.

We have broadcast 98 Episodes of Gillgan's Island plus one movie. 5 seasons of Get Smart, 9 seasons of the Beverly Hillbillies, who knows how many seasons of Green Acres, and I Love Lucy. Still there are folks who wonder why intelligent life hasn't contacted us?

Let's face it if we do get visited by aliens they will probably be trying to mount a rescue mission for " Seven Stranded Castaways Here on Gilligan's Isle "

So if such a group were to land in your nation's capital how would your Govt Greet them. I can imagine Ottawa " Here you but put these blankets around you before you freeze to death"

Or the States reach for the sky we've got another load for Area 51.

Scotland would offer a shot, Ireland a Guniness, England would insist on a proper introduction. The Aussies wouldn't let them in unless they had a criminal record.

What about the rest of the world.

As Eric Idle says in the Galaxy song " Let's hope there's intelligent life out in space cause there's bugger all of it down here"

More on non 51 Areas

Area Eight ( Ate )

Area Eight was set up out of order. It was established by John Quincy Addams the President who is most known for his middle name. He must have had a sense of humor because Area Eight is for developing various international dishes for serving state visitors. He picked the name because Ate and Eight sound alike. ( As you know English spoken as it is in the US or in the rest of the world makes little sense. For example Huked un Foniks werked fer mi. )

The Americans as you all know ( Especially Americans ) are not known for their contributions to world cuisine. MacDonald's may well be a high point they are better at mass producing dishes from everywhere else in the world. There are some exceptions I have to admit I enjoyed Alligator meat ( tasted like a cross between chicken and clams ) my brother says rattlesnake is good and Buffalo is supposed to be excellent but every time I have been where it was on the menu it was sold out.

So area eight has taught chefs how to prepare dishes from all over the world. Admittedly there have been some failures. The have also been the victims of some real con artists like the trio of Scots men who passed themselves off as professional Haggis hunters and kept them supplied with meals for Robbie Burns day for generations. Till one Scots guest happened to remark on his families Haggis recipe. George Bush Sr was not the first president to lose his lunch at a state dinner.

Other notable unsuccessful efforts included Ostrich Balut and Haggis flavored ice cream as well as thinking Canadians only ate French Fries, Deep Fried Whale blubber and seal flippers. Today Area Eight which has managed to keep it's location secret has not had a major success since they gave McDonalds the Happy Meal.

Area Nine




Area Nine was set up during the war of 1812. The country thought this would be a good time to invade Canada as the UK was busy cutting Napoleon down to size in Europe and couldn't send troops. The result was it was pretty much Canada vs the States. What the states didn't count on was the natives. Here they were loyal to the crown. There they had already got fed up with treaty violations. At the end of the War Detroit and Maine were in Canadian or British hands. Fort Detroit fell because though the very small group of Canadian Militia and Natives were vastly outnumbered the natives came up with a very effective plan. They built a few very bright fires and danced constantly in front of then in a circle to look like an endless line of Indians. The changed weapons and headgear so it looked like there were even more of them. The Canadian Militia commander went to Detroit under flag of truce and said he was having trouble keeping the natives under control. That they wanted to take the town rape and the women and eat all the men and children. The Detroit commander feel for this BS and surrendered on condition the Brits keep the Indians out of the town.

When the war ended we agreed to give back Maine on condition they also take Detroit back.

Area nine was set up to figure out how Canadians think.

So far Weird Al with his song Canadian Idiot and Micheal Moore in the Movie Canadian Bacon have come closer to doing this any thing ever to come out of Area Nine.

( more to come )

Why Worry about Area 51

AREAS 1 TO 50

This is in response to a friend who is concerned about just what is located at area 51. I am of the opinion that he should not worry. Everyone knows where Area 51 is so it can’t be all that secret. It is for hide in plain sight secrets. Areas 1 to 50 are of more concern as no one knows about them. The following is my take on them.

AREA ONE

Of necessity area one was not the first but the second top secret facility set up by Washington. It is located somewhere near the Maine, New Hampshire, and Canada border because of the wide variety of lumber in the area. It is dedicated to improvement in Presidential Dental care. Things like not getting slivers while eating. It continues to operate today. Many sciences not normally mixed have been experimented with there. One recent experiment was a complete disaster. Gene splicing was used to give a human volunteer Beaver tooth DNA. The test subject escaped and was responsible for the consumption of thousands of acres of prime forest. Army attack helicopters were needed to sanction the subject. He was posthumously awarded the top secret George W Bush medal for exceptional intelligence.

AREA NUMBER TWO

Area number two was of necessity the first top secret area ordered built by Washington. It is no longer in everyday use due to the advent of indoor plumbing. It continues to exist in secret on the White house grounds. Easily identified by the half moon carved in the door and the fact it is a two story structure the top floor for the politicians and the lower for the voters.

AREA NUMBER THREE

Somewhere in the vicinity of Pittsburgh. This area was set up by Washington to instruct government officials not to take everything literally. The example given in it’s charter was that if there is a thunderstorm raging and someone tells you to “Go fly a kite “they were using an idiom.

AREA NUMBER FOUR



Washington himself is said to have thrown a silver dollar across the Potomac River. That was a lot of money in those days. In keeping with the tradition of needlessly wasting money area number four is still active and is in fact the most active of all the governments’ secret projects. Area number four though secret has grown to be larger than the area of the United States itself with branches all over the world. New ways to waste taxpayer dollars are developed at a speed even light has yet to match.

AREA FIVE

By the time area five was set up George had passed on. However the term Washington will be continued to be used here to describe the federal government.

Area five was the first facility for the study of Aliens. Canadians, Frenchmen, Englishmen, Chinese, Even the Scots and Irish. The idea was to teach students to think like these aliens in order to communicate with them. In the early days many accidentally perished from alcohol poisoning in attempting to think like the Scots or Irish. Area five was abandoned when it was decided to leave foreign languages to those from foreign lands and replace attempting to speak their languages by SHOUTING VERY LOUD IN AMERICAN ENGLISH. Some genius had the idea this would make English easier to understand.

AREA SIX

There is no area six for fears the religious right would connect it with the number 666 and raise an unholy uproar if they ever found out about it.

AREA SEVEN

Area number seven may well be the most classified of all secret establishments. It is responsible for Presidential Speech writing. The area consists of an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters. This can explain some of the more unexplainable speeches made by Washington heads of state. It’s first and greatest piece of work was the Gettysburg Address. It was established to cover the words that apparently Lincoln said after waking from a five day drunk “I freed the WHAT!”


Tomorrow I will start with Area Eight

Panic & Anxiety Disorders

I have agoraphobia with Panic disorder. As agoraphobia literally means fear of the marketplace it is a bit of a misnomer.

As opposed to anxiety and people thinking the two are almost the same thing they are about the same as some one poking you in the chest in and someone firing a shotgun into your chest from a foot away.

Panic means fatal fear. It came about as a word in the time of the Ancient Greeks. Most of the Greek gods were handsome and perfectly built. There were two notable exceptions The God of Fire who had been born with a crippled leg and Zeus threw him from Olympus. He built his forge in Volcanoes and made most of the gadgets which gave his brothers and sisters their powers. He even made Zeus his thunderbolts.

The other was Pan god of the Forest. Those who worshiped him were called Pagans and he was half man half goat a say tar. However he was said to be exceedingly ugly. So much so that to suddenly see if one would die of fright. This explanation was given for anyone who died in the woods with a look of terror on their faces. They were said to have died of Panic due to seeing the god Pan.

When I was 4 as my family was leaving church the minister asked my Grandparents would do him do him a favor and take some groceries to a lady who could not go out herself. Being 4 I asked my parents if I could go and all said it might be a good idea. The lady was an older lady older than my grandparents and very nice. I remember her home was immaculate and hand made dollies covered everything. I was told she couldn't go out herself. After we left I asked my Grandparents why. They told me she had not been able to go out since her husband had been killed in the war. Whenever she tried she had to be rushed to hospital for a bad heart. I said "Wow the war was over 10 years ago. " ( Not bright my Grandfather had served and in 59 there were events taking place to celebrate ten years since the wars end." My Grandmother took my hand knelt down and said " No Sidney, The First World War ". It was first experience with what now know is agoraphobia. Since she had the heart problem it today would have had the words Panic Disorder added to it. I have not idea by why monetary means she was supported 4 year old boys don't think of such things.

Panic attacks can happen because of some trigger being activated. ( My Mother was robbed at shotgun point and afterwards could not go were there were groups of older teens to some stage even now roughly 20 years later ) PTSD can manifest itself as panic disorder. Sometimes nothing seems to trigger it it just goes off. People tend to avoid where the attacks took places until at it's worst you are housebound. At present my world consists of a few blocks. To make matters worse I had to move here to move here to live with my Mother when I could no longer afford to live in the "retirement" home I was in as I had only my disability. My work pension had not kicked in till the 29th year employed was done. I had used up my sick time and they were good enough to keep me on the rolls a couple more weeks so I would qualify. The 30 years of paying into insurance didn't help as the insurance company refused to cover so called mental lionesses.

Anxiety disorders can rage from social anxiety disorder being unable to be in a crowd to stage fright which is the most common to an almost limitless variety of phobias.

Anxiety disorders are similar in ways to Panic disorders but are vastly different in degree. One will raise your heart rate the other if not got to in time explode your heart or more likely cause a stroke. The extremely high blood pressure combined with the high pulse can break free plaque from an artery wall and send it to the brain or elsewhere. As an example in terms of numbers I have shown up in hospital and had a BP of 220 over 180 and a pulse over 290. that after being given meds in the ambulance. That I am still alive is very unusual.

For most getting upset can be unpleasant for people like me it may well be fatal.

My Illness

I'm going to try to write something to explain the nature of the illness I have. It is an invisible disability and you may well know someone who died from it. The cause of death would not have been the illness but stroke or heart attack as they are what the illness causes. Heart attacks or more likely strokes in otherwise healthy people with none of the warning signs. It is not an easy topic for me but I will give it a shot and try to post something here as soon as I can.

Dental Worries

I am very recently returned from the dentist. As with all in life there is good and bad news. Ever since I was treated with massive amounts of tetracycline when I had spinal meningitis at age 16 in order to save my life I have had bad teeth. First the almost immediately became a kind of grey colour so I have never had the bight smile some are blessed with. Second it did affect dating as a teen and even as an adult. I don't have the confidence around members of the opposite sex even as much as I should. I am sensitive about it to the point I have now not dated for years. ( my last marriage being a bad one didn't help I'm sure ). Each year I would need a number of visits to the dentist and though I had good coverage I knew my teeth would not last my life. Part of the bad news is that time has come. The good news is dentistry has come far enough that I may be able to get the smile I never had when young as a result of implants. The bad news that goes with that is the cost is very high. Though I will probably go through with it and end up with the smile it will at the very least put other hopes and dreams some years into the future. I'm looking at a cost of up to $10,000. Over time I am sure I can handle that but other dreams like travel possible education or even accelerated recovery from my illness will be if not completely on hold they will definitely be on hold for some period to come.

When I first got sick I basically lost all I had managed to earn in a lifetime of work and study. I have been slowly making my way back onto my feet with time but now may find I slip back a bit or at best by cutting back on many things be able to stay where I am for now. In time I am sure I can be moving forward again but it won't be for a while now. All I can do is keep trying my best but I know I am going to find myself forced to cut luxuries and doing works for others in general that does make me feel I am managing to contribute something back to the world instead of just take from it. For me it is important that I do or give something back the concept of a "free ride" even though most people feel I have paid my dues I feel as we keep getting from the world it is important I keep paying my dues back in thanks for that which I do receive. Funny but right now the same moral code which has dragged me through some pretty tough times is now making me feel I am not living up to the code and am still dragging on however. All will be well. Nothing remains the same. There are good days, weeks, months, even years as well as bad ones. I just hope this is just a bad day and I manage to at least adjust my attitude to a more positive one. As far as things in the world go I really do have it pretty easy and should be much more appreciative of that which I do have.

Thank you Kirst

Yesterday I was in kind of a bad spot. Nothing had gone wrong in fact a number of trials of testing the current limits of my illness had gone very well. Despite that my mood was below sea level. I do suspect the various poisons having the dental abcess flooding me with septic chemicals for days may have played a part. Kirst however was there when I needed someone to talk to. Despite her having to travel 16 hours into her past to do so. I still can't get over the time travel aspects of the internet. Or the fact it really is still winter entering spring there while we are ending an almost non existent summer entering fall. I still have to start my spring cleaning yet so that may have something to do with it. Kirst just did the net version of holding my hand and reminding me of one of my Favorite scriptures. To everything there is a season. Nothing remains the same. She was there when I needed her and I do appreciate it. At times Odette has done the same for me minus the septic tooth waste in my system. Tracey has of course made me laugh and taught me the meaning of the word " Pillock ". I even intend to send AA a private email I want his opinion of a product I am thinking of creating and introducing and need the advice of an amateur paranoid as opposed to a professionally trained one. It will be a day or two Ray as I do want to make sure this Tooth juice isn't influencing my thinking.

To all of you thanks for being there when I need you. Also Amy I still think your Mom cheated in avoiding the icebergs.

Does text only work

I am still having trouble uploading graphics so this is just to see if text only is ok

I May Be Bloging

Okay it looks like I have everything working and without needing a trip to the shop.

So why would I post a photo a sundae which goes by the name of Death by Chocolate. Far less glamorous then being boiled in oil but who die like a McDonald's french fry anyway.

You may recall some time ago I brainwashed myself with back to back episodes of Gilligan's Island and started my version of the Gilligan's Island diet. It consisted of living almost entirely from a diet of fruit. I had been trying to lose weight before that but went down from 190 pounds to 180 no problem but jammed there. I jammed again at roughly 174 last week. By adding psyllium to my diet two table spoons well stirred plus a second glass of water to make sure it was washed down morning and bedtime ( It tastes as if I was using the cats litter box for ingredients so you want to make sure it is well washed down ) I have been holding at no more than 169 lately and hope to keep going down at roughly a pound to a a pound and a half a week from now on till hit a target will I will wish to start slowly building muscle. To bug Ray that's a half to 3/4's of a kilo.

Hopefully this will post with no problem and I will back to being my abnormal self in no time.

The abscess is going down and I will be seeing a new dentist on Thursday. My regular dentist was on vacation then had a death in the family so he is way backed up and asked me to visit one of the others in town as he didn't want me on the antibiotics too long. If you had any idea of my dental history you would understand. At 16 massive doses of tetracycline saved my life but left me with very fragile teeth.

I have Kirst showing as being online but she's so far in my future the would could have ended by now or she could be getting the kids out the door to school. If we can again use messenger. The last of my computer problems will be solved.

Though I am thinking it is a pain to do all this reading so maybe I should figure out how to install an USB port in my head so I could download directly. Have to put that on my list of things to do next to inventing a working transporter. Maybe I should watch all the episodes of star trek, Star Trek the Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager, Babylon 5 and Andromeda back to back. I think it would be more likely however that I would come to the conclusion that there is no intelligent life on this planet and decide to go home.

Until we meet again Live Long and Prosper, or if you would rather Die Young and Broke I'm not going to be a stickler on the subject.