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Recently I have had a few problems. All came as a result of helping people.

The aim of my writing the books I have been writing was to help people in general however recently I have found every time I have tried to help anyone it has come back to hurt me. Sometimes badly.

So I have decided to not help from now on. When someone comes to me for first aid ( which was happened last night, I took them to the hospital by cab paying for it myself ) they waited till called then when in triage for only 6 minutes ran out of the hospital. I Tried to show them what they could expect if they did not get the broken finger treated my turning the baby finger slightly. I was threatened with the police in fact I have a form of death threat on my phone message.

In future I will tell anyone call for an ambulance, the call is free from any pay phone. If you can find one now that they are all but gone due to cell phones.

So I am going to stop helping in any form including writing. Also at the time she owed me $110 dollars. I just told her to forget the money, It will be worth it not to go through the aggravation with my panic disorder I can't risk it.

This is the 3rd incident of some kind ( different people ) where I have done someone a favor and it has become a problem. So no more help, no more favors. I don't care they are out of food and the food bank is low and their children are going hungry. Feeding them is up to them not me. In fact in that kind of case I think a call to the Children's aid would be the best thing. I also will no longer lend anyone a few dollars to take them to payday. I have done this often in the past and do tend to get paid back when they get the money and with thanks. However in future I will say why not and mention names.

My generation was taught to take care of ourselves. Though there is nothing wrong with charity I now agree it begins at home. My parents who didn't quite end up old enough to serve in the war live through it and learned to do what you could for yourself and otherwise work together. Their parents served through the war or suffered rationing scrap drives absence of loved ones for 5 years ( for my American friends this is not meant as any kind of derogatory thing but the other Allied countries went to war when Germany invaded Poland 1 Sep 1939. You entered only when attacked 7 Dec 1941. Rosevelt tried to help the allies has far as he could but the country's policy was one of isolationism. Far from what it is today. Rosevelt did what he could first helping supply weapons and food to the Allies stuck in Brittian at the time then even guarding convoy's. However he could not stop some war profiteers from also supplying the Nazi's until was was formally declared ). If any one cares they did it by sending the materials to Africa from where it was then sent to Germany and Italy.

I am still willing to serve as a witness to a crime if I see one and call emergency services if I see an accident or fire etc. However no more coming to peoples rescue or risking myself or even possesions or cash. In my old age I may need them and that will get here in time. I am seeing my Mother get I hate to see it but feeble and though I don't get the chance to see him my father has onset of Parkinson's. I hope to see him as soon as I can but these events of the last few days have put of the trip I planned to take to visit him ( for me travel is dangerous ). Because My dog is blind I can't kennel him however an older lady I know who knows me and the dog offered to watch him if and when I can go.

I am trying to get hold of my doctor so I have enough meds if I try the trip but he often works for Doctors without borders and is sometimes gone 3 weeks out of the month. I keep leaving messages.

Sleep Deprivation Headache

I live above a store across the store from a bar, Brits read Pub without the nice manners ( yes I know Canadians are polite but a polite drunk is still noisy and still drunk ). With Halloween being on Sunday this year it was way above normal noisy Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Also as this is what is sometimes called a one horse town only I have never seen a horse here so make it a no horse town, there is nothing to do normally. The result was after the bar closed the patrons remained in the area being noisy till dawn. Not rowdy or anything but enough that sleep was out of the question.

Normally on a normal weekend just Saturday usually sometimes Friday as well but rarely I compensate by watching a DVD with surround sound till the bar closes at 2.

Now I hope all realize I am just making a commentary not a complaint. This town needs every job it can get and most of the bars have closed in the past few years. In fact I think the only other one ( aside from the Legion which has very restricted hours ) the other is also a pretty nice restaurant. I often go to on Friday as that is their Prime Rib special day and I love prime rib.

So for certain types of behaviour, like dancing listening to a band this is the only choice. I am glad there is something, and they use local bands often. Don't have too but it is nice for local musicians.

Moving is not a good idea ( if I move it will be to a city ) as with my Agoraphobia though I have good days most days I have only about a two block safe zone ( meaning I am very unlikely to have a panic attack ) and this is by far the nicest place downtown and also about dead center. The hardware stores are way out of my safe zone so males can take pity and women may laugh.

However when I worked I did 22 of my 29 years at the TTC on either a solid night shift or a solid afternoon shift. So my body has been used to sleeping during the day most of my life. I won't complain about the Army because the Infantry's definition of happiness is getting enough sleep. ( and for some reason Infant ry does not mean Baby Army )

Anyway, normal things are waking me at normal times so I am having great trouble sleeping. This morning I didn't get to sleep till 6 AM and my cell woke me with a text at 10. ( tonight It goes off for the night ). Result for the 1st time in a few years a sleep deprivation headache. Coffee Tylenol and I may go for one of those long lasting energy drinks that are mostly vitamin B.

So here is hoping all of you even if you have newborns are getting a good nights sleep. For myself hoping tonight is to sleep perhaps all night.

So anyone emailing this evening please excuse me if I don't get back till tomorrow hopefully late.